


Maple Leaves

by soera



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 03:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8828026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soera/pseuds/soera
Summary: Haru’s not sure when it starts, but the first time he properly notices it is a few weeks after he quits the swim club near the end of their first year. Denying himself the water is harder than he thought it would be, and so he’s taken to distracting himself by watching Makoto.[Makoto has cancer and Haru worries a lot.]





	

**Author's Note:**

> Some mentions of High Speed! (the novel) in the fic, but you don't need to know it to be able to follow the story. Written before the movie came out, so some possible discrepancies there since I was following the novel's plot.
> 
> Warning: this fic deals with cancer (with an open-ended answer to the question of recovery); also, brief mention of pet death

In their second year of middle school, Makoto goes to Tokyo for six months.

It’s a generally miserable time for Haru. The only upside to it is that Haru discovers that he can in fact live without Makoto. The downside is that he confirms he vastly prefers not to. They text and call, and Haru learns to keep his phone on him all the time, but it’s hardly the same.

Makoto comes back looking mostly the same. Only mostly, though, because his hairstylist uncle has gotten his hands on Makoto, and Makoto’s hair is cut into a look that’s supposedly stylish – buzzed short around the back and sides, left longer on the top and cut into uneven spikes. The girls at school certainly notice the new look, when Makoto returns in time for the start of their third year, and for a time, Makoto is flooded with even more confessions than the norm.

Haru thinks that the look suits him, but that he prefers the softer look of Makoto’s usual cut. He tells Makoto as such, and Makoto laughs and agrees, telling him that he’s planning on growing it back out. It’s too much fuss to maintain anyway, he complains.

He’s also thinner when he comes back, though it isn’t enough to get too many comments. Haru and Makoto’s mother join forces in making tasty meals and pressing snacks on Makoto regularly, until his weight is back up to normal. Makoto’s developed a preference for smaller meals, so they ensure he eats more often to make up for it. Combined with his usual gym routine, he’s back to his usual shape fairly quickly.

What gets the most attention is the fading scar on Makoto’s head, and his new-found stutter. A head injury, Makoto explains to their curious classmates. There was an accident while he was helping his uncle move furniture, but he’ll be fine soon. Haru scowls inwardly and thinks resentful thoughts of Tokyo, but Makoto inevitably chases those thoughts away with a bright smile.

Makoto comes back, and the empty space beside Haru is filled again. Distance has taught Haru one thing: that he is absolutely certain he can’t stand for that empty space to return.

* * *

_2014_

In their last year of high school, Makoto decides he’s going to university in Tokyo.

It’s all right. Haru can work with this. Admittedly, realising that takes running away to Australia and getting some sense knocked into his head by his mother and Rin – but the point is, he can work with it. He’s older now. He’ll be more able to deal without Makoto constantly at his side, if it comes to that. He hopes it doesn’t, but he knows he’ll manage.

Tokyo, though. Haru harbours an irrational grudge towards that place. But it’s practical for Makoto to go there, so he’ll have to forgive it.

He still doesn’t have to like that Makoto’s going there a few weeks after Nationals end.

“Eh, are you going to visit universities?” Nagisa asks, excitedly.

“No, just visiting family,” Makoto says with an awkward laugh. Visiting family, is it? Bah. “My uncle lives there. Ah, I might try and visit a couple of campuses though.”

“I thought you already decided where you wanted to go?” Rei asks.

“Getting in is another matter,” Makoto says, and Rei nods understandingly. “I want to visit my backups as well.”

“Haru-chan, is something wrong?”

Nagisa’s always annoyingly perceptive just when Haru doesn’t want him to be. “No,” Haru says, and eats his mackerel.

“Don’t be lonely just because Mako-chan’s going away,” Nagisa laughs. “We’ll keep you company, Haru-chan!”

Wonderful. No, he shouldn’t be nasty, and he especially shouldn’t take it out on his friends just because he’s in a bad mood. Nagisa’s and Rei’s company hopefully will keep him in a better frame of mind while Makoto’s in Tokyo. And their concern does warm him, even if he finds that difficult to say.

He makes a noncommittal sound in the end. Nagisa teases him a bit more before Makoto neatly redirects the conversation to Nagisa’s schoolwork, and the tables are promptly turned on him. Flailing ensues as Nagisa protests the new topic.

Makoto gives him a warm smile while the other two are distracted. Haru immediately feels a little more at ease. Makoto’s smiles are medicinal, and he will never get tired of them. They always make him feel cherished. Well, Makoto just in general makes him feel that way.

Makoto squeaks softly and flushes a vivid red before hastily returning his attention to his lunch.

… That’s what he gets for reading Haru’s mind all the time.

* * *

The Tachibanas have booked plane tickets months in advance, as they always do, so that they get them for a fairly good price. Makoto and his father will be leaving in the morning, but as it’s Friday and there’s school, neither Haru nor the twins can accompany them. That only means that Haru will have to stay over the night before, which isn’t anything out of the ordinary anyway.

They do their homework, and play with the twins, and have dinner, and tuck the twins into bed, and then it’s just the two of them in Makoto’s room, and the familiarity of the whole routine suddenly makes Haru intensely, painfully grateful. 

Sometimes, it strikes Haru all at once that between all the back-and-forth between Tokyo and Iwatobi, the fact that Makoto’s parents both pull above-average salaries, and the fact that Makoto’s extended family lives in Tokyo, it’s a near-miracle that the Tachibanas had decided to stay in Iwatobi after all. In middle school, Makoto might have left and the rest of his family might have followed, and Haru might have never seen him again. It’s a thought that inevitably makes him seek out Makoto’s presence.

Fortunately, the Tachibanas had decided that they preferred the quietly communal nature of Iwatobi to bustling Tokyo. And it will be easier on Makoto to return here, his parents had whispered, when they thought Haru and Makoto had fallen asleep. Makoto had tightened his grip on the hem of Haru’s shirt and pressed in just a little closer, though never enough for actual contact.

That had been the first time in years that Haru had actively wished for physical contact. Now, Haru lies on the guest futon and listens to Makoto breathe on the bed above him. He hadn’t given in then; can he do so now?

He gets up before he can think too much on it. Makoto might make a habit of preventing him from swimming when it’s too cold, or in an inappropriate place, or whatever other reasons he might have – but otherwise, he’s always indulged Haru as much as possible.

Makoto’s sleeping on his back, one arm over his chest and the other dangling off the bed. His face is slack and restful. Haru watches him in the moonlight for a moment, then carefully clambers over him and lies down between Makoto and the wall. It’s a little cramped, but that hardly matters. He shifts onto his side to face Makoto, but his arm gets in the way, so he sort of wedges it between them till it feels comfortable. He puts his other arm around Makoto’s waist, and is immediately struck by the warmth and presence of Makoto’s body. He’s almost scared to rest too much weight on him.

He moves a little closer and puts his head down next to Makoto’s arm. His forehead presses against Makoto’s shoulder. One leg creeps forward until it bumps Makoto’s. He still feels like he wants more. He wants to sink into Makoto the way he lets the water envelop him. And there’s an interesting little thought, that Makoto’s like water. Not like swimming, but like floating. Makoto’s like healing water; he’s what Haru looks for when he wants peace.

But there’s no way Makoto can envelop him the same way, so this much will have to do. He drifts off into an uneasy sleep. Dreams of Tokyo plague him, as they do every time Makoto makes this regular pilgrimage there.

When he wakes up, he thinks for a moment that he is floating in the middle of the ocean. Then he wakes up properly and realises that Makoto’s arms are wrapped around him, and his leg is flung over Haru’s, and they’re pressed flush against each other, Haru’s back to Makoto’s chest.

Makoto’s slow, steady breaths ruffle the hair at the nape of Haru’s neck. Haru closes his eyes and relaxes into Makoto. If he wishes hard enough, perhaps the day won’t begin.

* * *

The day does begin, and Haru says his goodbyes to Makoto a couple of hours later. They’ll see each other on Sunday evening, Makoto tells him with a smile. That’s still three days apart, and the thought makes Haru frown. Makoto just laughs at him, then checks to see if anyone else is looking before leaning down a little.

He knows it’s his imagination, but it feels like the kiss is burning a brand on Haru’s temple the entire day.

Makoto texts him before boarding, after landing, during the ride to his uncle’s house, and just before leaving the house again. Haru’s not quite daring enough to check his phone during class – he’s not as practised at sneaking peeks under the table as some of his classmates are – but he checks it between each lesson and replies as soon as he can. There’s a long silence after Makoto goes out, but Haru has been expecting that so he isn’t too bothered.

They’ve already handed things over to Nagisa and Rei, so there are no more club activities to go to. Haru considers going anyway. No one there will begrudge him some time in the pool, and he won’t get in the way of Nagisa’s and Rei’s training. He’s reluctant, though, for reasons he refuses to examine too closely, so he heads straight home after school instead.

He takes a bath, makes a desultory attempt at homework, and ponders going over to the Tachibana house. It wouldn’t feel strange, even without Makoto there. They’re all used to Haru coming over regularly. More than once, Haru’s fallen asleep in Makoto’s room while waiting for him to come back from errands.

It doesn’t feel quite right to go over this time, so instead, he has dinner and goes to bed early. He keeps his phone in his hand, willing it to vibrate.

When it finally does, he nearly drops it in surprise. He catches it and checks the latest message, expecting a cheerful message from Makoto saying he’s fine and back at the house.

Instead, the message reads, _It’s back._

* * *

_2010_

Haru’s not sure when it starts, but the first time he properly notices it is a few weeks after he quits the swim club near the end of their first year. Denying himself the water is harder than he thought it would be, and so he’s taken to distracting himself by watching Makoto. That’s when he realises that Makoto probably needs to visit the optometrist.

“Eh, really?” Makoto says, when he brings it up. Makoto quit the swim club two days after Haru did, even though Haru told him he should continue. “I didn’t notice.”

Haru shrugs. “You squint a lot when you have to read things.”

“That’s only when it’s small print,” Makoto protests. They walk on in silence for a few more steps before Makoto caves. “I really need glasses?”

Haru glances at him. That’s a familiar tone, even if it’s a new context. “You’ll probably look good in them, anyway,” he says.

“I doubt it,” Makoto mumbles, looking at the ground.

“I’ll help you pick out a nice pair,” Haru says, and Makoto perks right back up.

“You don’t mind?” he asks, and Haru shrugs, and that’s that.

They go to the optometrist the next day, and Makoto’s confirmed to need glasses. They also suggest contact lenses, and though he’s squeamish about them, Makoto agrees to try out a box of daily contacts to start with. While he’s taught how to put them in, Haru goes through the frames selection and picks out a few he thinks will look good on Makoto.

They all look good on him, which is a little unfair. Haru picks his two favourites, and makes Makoto pick his favourite of those. On their way home, Makoto can’t stop commenting about how much clearer everything is, he can’t believe he didn’t realise it before, thank you for noticing, Haru.

It doesn’t really improve Makoto’s general clumsiness, but Haru blames that problem on how fast Makoto’s growing instead of poor vision. He’s constantly trying to catch up to himself, and his hands and feet are never quite where he expects them to be, so surely it’s to be expected that Makoto’s a bit of a klutz. His parents assure him he’ll grow out of it, but it doesn’t stop Makoto from learning to hate his body. He’s too big, too broad, too unusual amongst all the other boys in their year. For someone who’s terrified of standing out, his body is his own worst enemy.

Haru thinks this is ridiculous, but he can’t convey that to Makoto properly. All he can do is stay next to Makoto and catch him whenever he stumbles.

It’s about two weeks later that he catches Makoto rubbing the bridge of his nose with a frown. Suddenly, he remembers other times he’s seen that behaviour, and things come together.

But Makoto will never admit to anything that might trouble someone else, so Haru will have to confront him about it. Haru chooses pragmatism and brings it up over dinner at the Tachibanas’ that evening.

“Makoto, you’re having a headache?” Makoto’s mother asks, concerned.

“It’s not really that bad,” Makoto says with a shake of his head, and ruins the statement by promptly wincing.

“He’s been having headaches for the past week,” Haru tattles shamelessly.

“We’ll go to Sato-sensei tomorrow,” Makoto’s mother decides, and won’t hear of anything else. Makoto’s given medicine and made to go to bed early, so Haru goes with him in solidarity, even if Makoto hasn’t been talking to him since dinner.

“I don’t like it when Makoto’s in pain,” Haru says, to Makoto’s back. Makoto changes into his sleepwear and ignores him utterly. Haru frowns. “Seeing the doctor’s not that big a deal, Makoto.”

Makoto gets into bed and turns on his side, back to Haru.

Haru turns off the light and sits down on the futon. Well, he’d known Makoto wouldn’t be happy, so he only has himself to blame. He slowly gets under the covers and lies down.

“You’re not the only one allowed to care,” he says, staring up at the ceiling.

A few long moments later, Makoto sighs and shifts on his bed. Springs squeak. “You make it really hard to be annoyed at you.”

“Don’t be,” Haru says.

“Okay,” Makoto says. An arm dangles over the side of the bed. “Sorry.”

“Me too,” Haru says, and gently touches Makoto’s hand in acknowledgement.

Makoto throws up the next morning when he wakes up, which Haru initially isn’t really surprised by. That’s always been Makoto’s reaction to stress. It’s when Haru comments on that, and Makoto can’t quite hide the guilty flinch, that Haru realises there’s more to it.

“Makoto’s also been throwing up in the mornings for three weeks,” Haru announces, dragging a meek Makoto into the living room with him.

Makoto’s mother puts the last of the breakfast dishes down with a frown. “Is there anything else I should know, Makoto?”

Haru and Makoto both snap to attention at her tone of voice. “I – I’ve been a little giddy in the mornings,” Makoto confesses quietly. Haru’s grip on Makoto’s arm tightens. “It’s only for a couple of minutes, and I feel better after I throw up.”

Makoto’s mother sighs, and motions for the two of them to sit. “Makoto, listen to me. I know you don’t like for people to worry about you, and I know you don’t like being a bother. But your health, your well-being, that’s never a bother. We love you, and worry is something that comes with that.” Her eyes soften, but Makoto isn’t looking at her anyway. “Makoto. Love means helping each other. You don’t always have to be strong. Don’t ever hide things like this from us again, okay?”

“Kay. M’sorry,” Makoto mumbles, but Haru thinks he might get it now. He gentles his grip on Makoto’s arm, sliding down in an almost-stroke before letting go.

Makoto’s mother studies him for a moment before sighing again. “Can you eat something, or do you want to go directly to Sato-sensei?”

“Sato-sensei,” Makoto says softly.

“Go get dressed then,” she says. “Haru, are you coming with us?”

Haru nods before Makoto can panic.

“All right, go change as well. And wake the twins, will you?”

When they come back down with the twins in tow, Makoto’s dad is also there, dressed in his suit and looking worried. He greets Makoto with a ruffle of his hair, and tells him that keeping things from them is only going to worry them more, and hurt their relationship besides, so please don’t do it again. Makoto nods, and even though he looks a little downtrodden, still hugs him willingly.

The perks of being the head of the office mean that Makoto’s dad can afford to leave late for work, after getting the twins fed, dressed, and dropped off at a neighbour’s. Makoto’s mum therefore ushers Makoto and Haru out the door as soon as the twins are settled with their meals, handing Haru an onigiri to snack on while walking.

Makoto trips on the last flight of stairs and nearly takes a header down them, but Haru catches him as always. Then they have to both reassure Makoto’s mother that it isn’t dizziness, just Makoto’s usual clumsiness. Makoto’s red as a cherry by the time she drops it.

It’s not altogether a promising start to the day, but Haru takes solace in the fact that Makoto is starting to learn he can’t always keep things to himself. Or at least, he’s starting to learn that about his physical problems. Haru doubts that Makoto will extend that to anything less tangible, so he’ll have to be doubly certain he doesn’t let his guard down. Haru will watch out for any stress Makoto might be under, and find a way to make it better. Makoto has always been his to protect.

Poor Makoto gets another scolding from their usual doctor at the small hospital near their houses. He’s really flagging under all the criticism, so Haru lets him hold his hand as the visit progresses.

“I don’t really know how a migraine’s different from a bad headache,” Makoto says, when the doctor asks if he’s ever had migraines.

“Well, it would be very bad, certainly,” says the doctor. “But you would also experience things like photosensitivity. Ah, that means that light might hurt your eyes, or make the headache worse, or make you feel like vomiting, that sort of thing. The same might happen with any sound. If you have vision problems during your headache, like seeing fuzzy shapes or bright spots, that’s probably a migraine.”

Makoto thinks it over. “I’m not sure,” he says, finally. “I’ve felt like throwing up when I have headaches sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve had the light thing? But sometimes my sight’s a little funny – ah, but it’s not only when I have a headache, so…”

“How is it funny?”

“Like sensei said, sort of bright spots,” Makoto says. “It’s like… a light flashing? But I didn’t realise I needed glasses then, so I think that’s probably what it was.”

“Hm, maybe,” the doctor says. “Does it happen all the time, or only in certain situations?”

“When I turn my head too fast,” Makoto says. It’s too prompt an answer. Clearly it’s been happening longer than Haru had realised, for Makoto to have discovered the pattern already. “Sometimes I get a bit light-headed if I do that, but that’s normal, right? People talk about getting a head-rush if they get up too quickly all the time.”

“That’s true enough,” says the doctor. “But the thing is, when people are sick, their symptoms start off small a lot of the time. So as doctors, we need to pay attention to everything, just in case there’s something important hiding there.”

They continue discussing Makoto’s headaches, the doctor asking loads of questions about when and where and under what conditions he’s had them. They’re a fairly recent occurrence, having begun about a month ago to the best of Makoto’s recollection. Makoto’s mother then gives the doctor more information – no, he’s not allergic to anything; no, he’s not taking any medicines, though she did give him an Eve A tablet yesterday for the pain; so on and so on, and Haru tunes it out and focuses on Makoto.

His best friend is hunched in on himself, and studying the ground with intense fervour. Haru leans a little closer to him. It takes a moment, but Makoto sways in his direction, and Haru lets their shoulders bump together.

Makoto’s hand is hot and dry. How long has it been since they’ve held hands? At some point, it had become socially unacceptable for them to do so. Haru didn’t really care what other people thought, but Makoto did, so he didn’t mind going along with it. Makoto had said that it was embarrassing that he needed to cling on to Haru all the time.

Haru thinks of Makoto standing alone on the beach, staring out at the water. He wishes that Makoto would just cling on to him forever, if letting go means having that look on his face. But Makoto had come back to him in the end, even if he’d come back more determined than ever not to rely too much on Haru.

Since then, Makoto has been restraining himself. It’s important to him, so Haru won’t bridge the gap. Thanks to whatever resolution he’s made, Makoto had only ever reached for him when pulling him from the water, but once Haru had quit swimming… how long has it been, since he’s felt that big palm against his? Makoto’s even trying to control himself when he’s scared, holding himself instead of Haru, crossing his arms and gripping his elbows to stop himself. When it comes down to it, though – when he’s really scared, or he’s been suddenly shocked – it’s still Haru he looks for first, and Haru he instinctively reaches for. So it’s okay. Haru will let him figure it out for himself, and when he’s ready, Haru will be the one to reach out his hand instead.

“All right, Tachibana-san. The symptoms that Makoto-kun describes can be managed through medication. I’m more concerned about the underlying cause. This is both fairly sudden and persistent, so I suspect there’s something else causing the headaches – I don’t think they’re normal primary headaches. Especially combined with the nausea and dizziness, not to mention how suddenly his vision deteriorated. I can’t say what that something else might be, though; that will require more tests. Based on what I’ve heard today, I’m going to write a referral to the Iwatobi General Hospital for an MRI.” The doctor lifts a cautioning hand. “You don’t need to be alarmed. It’s mostly to rule out a number of things it could be. They have better equipment there, so they’ll be able to tell you right off what it isn’t.”

Makoto’s mother is somewhat alarmed nonetheless, and they go straight off to the bigger hospital after a quick stop to get some food for all of them. Makoto picks at his meal at first, but Haru prods him until he finishes it all.

Visiting the other hospital apparently means a whole lot of waiting around. Neither he nor Makoto pay much attention to what’s going on. Makoto’s mother takes care of all that. They have lunch there, and later in the afternoon they see a nurse who asks all the same sorts of questions Sato-sensei had asked, plus more besides. Makoto’s pretty stressed by this point, so Haru’s not surprised when he throws up into the waiting room bin. Another nurse whisks the bin away, brings Makoto some water, and tells him jokes until he’s smiling again. Haru likes her.

Finally, mid-afternoon, they get to see the doctor. It doesn’t mean much though, because he mostly talks to Makoto’s mother about what they want to do. Haru tries to follow what they’re saying, but so much goes over his head that he gives up and just sits quietly next to Makoto.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto’s mother says with a faint smile, once she’s finished talking to the doctor. “This can’t be very fun for you.”

Haru shrugs. “I’m fine since I’m with Makoto,” he says.

Makoto blushes.

“As long as you’re okay,” she says, her smile widening into something real. “Now, were you listening, Makoto?”

He nods. “Um, I have to go for a scan?” he says.

“Right. It’s called an MRI, and what happens is that there’s a huge tube with a circular space in the middle. They’ll put you on a bed, and move the bed into that space so that they can scan your head and see if there’s a problem causing your headaches.”

Haru frowns. Makoto’s not claustrophobic, but it doesn’t sound entirely pleasant.

“One thing you’ll have to be prepared for is that it’ll be very noisy,” Makoto’s mother says. “But there’s an intercom so that if you speak normally, the technicians will be able to hear you. If there’s anything you need, you can tell them.”

Makoto nods, looking a little pale. “Will you be there?” he asks.

“I don’t think so,” his mother says, regretfully. “Nakamura-sensei said that they don’t usually allow anyone else in. But Haru and I will be waiting for you as soon as you’re done, I promise.”

They wait and wait and wait and then Makoto gets whisked off abruptly and Haru is left to wait even more. When Makoto finally returns, he’s pale and he immediately latches on to the hem of Haru’s shirt. Haru pulls Makoto’s hand off and laces their fingers together.

“It was really loud,” he says, and sits down between Haru and his mother. She puts an arm around both of them, and strokes Makoto’s hair until he stops shaking, and starts dozing off on her shoulder.

The doctor returns eventually and talks to Makoto’s mother a little longer. Neither Makoto nor Haru are allowed into the room for that conversation. She comes out looking pale and shaky, but doesn’t tell them anything. Makoto has to go and get blood drawn after that, and then that’s it. The hospital will call once the results are in, but there’s nothing more to be done that day.

They go back home in time for dinner, which Makoto’s father has bought from a nearby sushi shop. Makoto’s fussed over a bit by his parents. The twins don’t really get it, but are more than happy to join in with spoiling their beloved big brother. After dinner, Makoto is once again sent to bed early, and Haru goes with him.

They stay up for a while longer, and Haru listens as Makoto talks about anything but the day they’ve just had. Makoto probably thinks that Haru tunes him out most of the time, but Haru doesn’t – not unless there are extenuating circumstances, like if it’s winter and he hasn’t been able to swim – but no, no more swimming for him, he has to hold back. His mind drifts, just for a moment, to bitter tears. Then he dismisses it.

Oh.

He doesn’t care.

He really, truly, doesn’t care. Just at this moment, he can’t spare the energy to continue worrying about his swimming, or about Rin, or about the potential for water to hurt instead of heal someone. Makoto is his entire focus right now, because no matter how everyone has been talking around them, Haru knows something is wrong with Makoto. He knows that Makoto’s parents are afraid. And Makoto knows all that too, and so he’s afraid as well.

He doesn’t want Makoto to be afraid, but he doesn’t know if there’s anything he can do about it. All of Haru’s energies are focused on trying to find a way to help Makoto, so he has nothing left to worry about his swimming with. If that’s the case, maybe being in the water isn’t the most important thing to him after all, like he’s always thought. Like everyone’s always thought.

It’s not quite a silver lining. He doesn’t know what to call it, so instead he just makes an idle response to prove he’s been listening.

Makoto’s surprised smile warms him through and through.

* * *

As it turns out, Makoto has a tumour in his brain.

* * *

_2014_

Haru runs his thumb over the screen and inspects the two words on it carefully. They don’t change. He breathes deeply and drops the phone on the bed, then rolls over and presses his face to the pillow.

It’s back, huh.

Haru skips his bath the next morning, taking a quick shower instead before heading over to the Tachibana house, early enough to fluster Makoto’s mother. Her eyes are terribly red and swollen when she answers the door, and she’s unusually dishevelled.

Haru chivvies her into the bathroom to freshen up, then heads back downstairs and starts on breakfast. The Tachibanas like their traditional breakfasts, so he gets some rice into the cooker, then rummages around their fridge for salmon. It’s not his favourite fish, but it’s what they like best in this house, so he starts prepping it.

Makoto’s mother tries to take over when she comes down, still looking a little tired but much more composed. All Haru allows her to do is choose which other dishes she wants, and he makes her sit down while he cooks. The twins should be up soon. Ran’s an early riser, and she usually drags Ren with her when she gets up. If they’re up as they usually are, they’ll be just in time for a hot breakfast.

“You’re very good to us, Haru,” Makoto’s mother says, as he sets a cup of tea in front of her. Her voice is tired, but her eyes are smiling.

“It’s not much,” Haru says, but feels the tops of his cheeks heat a little. He turns back to the miso soup he’s preparing. The daikon is about cooked through, so he turns down the heat and adds the wakame.

She just laughs as she curls her hands around the cup. “Did Makoto manage to contact you after all?”

“He sent a text,” Haru says.

“I thought he might,” she admits. “He was supposed to have it off in the hospital, but I suppose he snuck out.” She sighs and looks at her tea.

“Is he coming back yet?”

She makes a contemplative sound. “We haven’t decided entirely. It depends on the course of action Honda-sensei suggests. If it’s surgery, soon, then…”

Haru nods, turning off the stove before stirring the miso in carefully. When it’s completely dissolved, he checks the temperature – still warm, so he doesn’t bother turning the heat back on.

“Do the twins know?” he asks. Last time, they’d tried to keep it from the twins. They’d told them that their brother and father had gone to Tokyo to help their uncle with something. The lie had fallen apart a bit when they’d visited Makoto in December, and the twins had seen his scar. They’d played it off with the same excuse Makoto had later used with their classmates, and used the supposed injury as an excuse to remind the twins to be gentle. 

“Not yet,” she says quietly. “I’ll tell them today. If Makoto doesn’t come back tomorrow, do you want to stay home on Monday?”

The Tachibanas have been authorised by Haru’s parents to act in loco parentis for him while they’re away. She could call in his absence for him. Haru thinks of going to school without Makoto. He thinks of Nagisa and Rei asking where Makoto is. He thinks of the looks the teachers will give him, if they know.

“Please,” Haru says.

* * *

The twins don’t take the knowledge well. There are tears and screams and declarations of everlasting hatred and slammed doors. When everything is quiet, Haru puts his arm around Makoto’s mother and doesn’t let her pull away.

“Honestly, when did you grow up so much,” she says thickly, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around.”

“I think we can share,” he says. It barely takes a moment for him to decide he’s going to be honest. “I don’t think I’ll be this composed for too long.”

She laughs through her sobs. “You can cry on me later.”

Haru runs his hand through her hair. She’s so small, especially in comparison to her husband and Makoto. He wonders which of their parents the twins will end up taking after. He wonders how much growing Makoto has left in him. At their last health check, he’d been… what was it. 183? But he’s pretty sure Makoto’s grown since then, so puberty obviously isn’t done with him yet. Haru’s slowly inching upwards as well, but not at anywhere near the rate Makoto’s managing.

It’s unfair. Makoto has so much more left in him.

Haru shakes the thought away. It sounds far too final for his tastes. Makoto has fought through this once. There’s no reason to fear the worst.

Makoto’s father calls a little later, and Haru excuses himself to go clean up the breakfast dishes. He dithers at the sink for a moment after finishing, then starts scrubbing down the counters for lack of anything else to do. Makoto’s mother is still talking, so he can’t go back out. He checks his phone. Nothing yet.

The twins creep back down, subdued and apologetic, just as their mother hangs up. She accepts them into her arms and holds them for long moments. Then they sit down, twins sandwiched between their mother and Haru, to discuss things.

“He’ll be undergoing the surgery on Tuesday,” she reports. “They’ll try and remove as much of the tumour as possible, and then they’ll have to test it to see what kind of tumour it is. If it’s the same as last time, then he’ll probably have to stay for some sort of radiation and maybe chemotherapy.”

Haru stirs. “He didn’t have chemo last time.”

She gives him a sad smile. “It’s not confirmed yet. The doctors thought it might be a good idea to treat it more aggressively this time. And the latest literature seems to suggest that chemo is a good idea for this type of tumour, no matter the severity. But it depends on what they find.”

In other words, there’s more waiting to be done. Haru wants to see Makoto. Instead, he helps answer the twins’ questions and asks a few of his own before retiring to the kitchen to get lunch going. The twins obviously need a little time with their mother, because she only appears near the end of the preparations, far too late to take over.

“You’re the best son-in-law I could ask for,” she says.

Haru very nearly drops the bowls he’s carrying to the table. As it is, he freezes instead, muscles locking up and his eyes going wide. He probably looks ridiculous, but he can’t quite figure out what to do.

Makoto’s mother laughs. “You and Makoto are so slow,” she says lightly, taking the bowls from him. “But that’s fine as well. Just forget it. Pretend I didn’t say anything.” She gives him a mischievous look as she turns away.

Haru’s muscles slowly relax, and he mechanically retrieves the rest of the cutlery. Pretend she didn’t say anything. That he can do.

Forget about it? Never.

* * *

Makoto calls later that evening, as Haru’s attempting some English homework. He’s fairly certain his grammar would make Rin cry. The call is a welcome distraction, except the first sound of Makoto’s voice makes him remember what Makoto’s mother had said, and he ends up stammering and stumbling over his responses for a few minutes. Makoto’s half-convinced he’s drunk.

“It’s nothing,” Haru says, mortified.

“It’s something,” Makoto replies.

“I’ll tell you when I see you,” Haru relents.

“Ah,” Makoto sighs. “I wonder when that will be. Sensei hasn’t committed to a treatment plan yet. They’re waiting to see how the surgery goes. And to get the biopsy and lumbar puncture results.”

“If the surgery’s on Tuesday… how long do things like this take?” He can’t remember how it had gone the last time. He hadn’t been there for the surgery or its immediate aftermath.

“Sensei said it could be anything from a couple of days to a couple of weeks,” Makoto says, and sighs again. “Mou, I feel like a baby. I want to see Haru.”

Haru feels heat prickle along the back of his eyes. “I want to see you too,” he confesses quietly.

“I miss you,” Makoto says. His voice sounds wobbly. “Sorry, Haru. I’m probably going to hug you when I see you next.”

“I don’t mind,” Haru says. He hesitates for a moment, then adds, “I never have.”

There’s a brief silence. “Isn’t it weird?” Makoto asks finally. “For a guy to be clinging on to you.”

“Not if it’s you,” Haru replies.

Makoto huffs softly. “It’s weirder because it’s me. It’s cute if Nagisa does it. Someone as big as me shouldn’t be so…”

“You’re not weak,” Haru says, suddenly irritated. “You’re not useless, and you don’t have to be anyone other than yourself. Fuck anyone who says different.”

An incredulous laugh escapes Makoto. “Haru…” He sounds faintly scandalised at the uncharacteristic curse, but also thoughtful.

“You worry too much about what other people think,” Haru says.

Another pause. “I think it’s a habit by now,” Makoto says, ruefully.

“It is.” Haru thinks of a stormy night and a deserted beach. He’d held Makoto until the immediate fear loosened its grip on Makoto; until Makoto had stopped shaking. The moment he’d recovered somewhat, he’d pulled away from Haru’s hold. I’m all right now, he’d said. Thank you, Haru, but I’m okay. Even when they’d found shelter under an overhang, Makoto had deliberately placed a few feet of space between them, denying himself any further comfort. Haru hadn’t dared bridge that gap, back then. He thinks now that he should have.

“I’ll try and let it go.”

Haru sighs. “Okay.” He’s tired of holding himself back in deference to Makoto’s insecurities.

“Have I kept you waiting?” Makoto asks, hesitantly.

The tone of his voice compels Haru to answer honestly. “No more than I’ve kept you waiting.”

“I don’t want to wait any more,” Makoto says.

Haru doesn’t quite manage to bite back a whimper of agreement. He closes his eyes and puts his head down on the table. He wants to see Makoto. He wants to see him so badly.

* * *

The trip is long. Planes are definitely more convenient, Haru thinks dully, at some point in the journey. He has to take one train into the city, then transfer twice before he’s finally headed for Tokyo. He catches naps on the trains as he can, but the longest he manages is an hour on the shinkansen before he wakes up from the discomfort in his neck.

Makoto’s giving him a massage, Haru decides crankily.

When he gets to Tokyo, he has to switch one last time in order to get to the neighbourhood where Makoto’s uncle lives. Fortunately, the apartment is only a brief walk from the station. It’s just about ten in the morning by the time he gets there.

Makoto answers the door, and gapes at Haru.

“I’m home,” Haru says. He drops his bag on the floor and reaches out first, wrapping his arms around Makoto’s waist.

“What? Oh.” Makoto pulls Haru closer and nuzzles against the side of his head. “Welcome home, Haruka.”

Haru hides his blush by pressing his face against Makoto’s neck. Coming from Makoto, his full name sounds…

“Ah, Haru, welcome,” Makoto’s father says, poking his head out from the kitchen. “Was the trip all right?”

Haru reluctantly lets go of Makoto, who’s even slower in letting go of him. “It was okay, but I want to sleep now,” he admits.

“Well, we’re only going out for dinner at six, so you can rest till then,” Makoto’s father says. “Makoto, I’ll be out with your uncle until then. We’ll leave Haru in your care.”

Makoto blushes a brilliant red, and Haru gives him a quizzical look. It isn’t anything they haven’t heard before, after all.

“Are you coming back before dinner, or should we meet you both somewhere?” Makoto asks, picking up Haru’s bag. 

“Let’s meet outside the station,” his father says. Haru takes a moment to change his shoes. Makoto’s uncle comes out of his room then, and greets Haru warmly before hurrying his brother off to get changed. Ten minutes later, the door clicks shut and it’s just Makoto and Haru in the apartment.

“Come on, the guest bedroom’s this way,” Makoto says. “Uncle still doesn’t have a guest futon, but I guess we can share a bed.”

“Your mother called me her son-in-law,” Haru blurts out.

Makoto goes red, the colour spreading across his face, to the tips of his ears and all the way down his neck. “Ah. Um.”

Haru had planned on a slightly different introduction to the topic. He’s blaming his ineptitude on his exhaustion.

“I wonder if they planned it?” Makoto muses, rubbing the back of his head.

What?

“Um, my dad, uh.” Makoto clears his throat nervously. “We were talking yesterday, and I mentioned you, and um. He said, and I quote, ‘You’re going to marry that boy, aren’t you.’”

Haru considers this for a moment. “Well, not legally,” he says. “I guess you could adopt me into the family register.”

He’s pretty sure that’s what gay couples do in Japan, given that same-sex marriages aren’t legally recognised yet. He doesn’t know all the details, though. He’ll have do some research. Right now, Makoto’s parents can include him in everything, but he’ll need to ensure he still has full access to Makoto when they’re both adults. Medically, legally, what else is there. Research, research.

“Not the other way around?” Makoto asks. The red is fading from his skin.

“I don’t mind it either way,” Haru says. He feels a little breathless. “Tachibana Haruka. Hm.”

“Nanase Makoto,” Makoto says, and a laugh bubbles out of him. He presses a hand to his mouth, but Haru can still see the smile in his eyes. “I’m really happy right now, Haru. I don’t know what to do.”

Haru tugs him towards the guest bedroom. “Sleep now,” he says. “But when I wake up, I expect there to be kissing.”

There is.

* * *

Tokyo is no better than Iwatobi when it comes to waiting around in hospitals. Haru and Makoto’s father take turns going for short walks to stretch their legs, when all the sitting around gets to them. Mostly, though, they stick together. They don’t talk much, but Makoto’s father keeps an arm around Haru’s shoulder most of the time. Honestly, with a family like his, Haru doesn’t know why Makoto worries so much about whether he’s too clingy.

Haru spends the time trying to plan out what he’ll say to Nagisa, Rei, Rin, and Gou. Makoto had asked Haru if he would mind explaining things to them. He doesn’t mind, in theory – but he doesn’t know how to do it. He might just have to take the plunge and hope it works out. Nagisa’s already texted Makoto twice, asking where he and Haru are. They’re ignoring the messages for now, but Haru will have to answer soon, before they really start worrying.

He starts to get restless around the five-hour mark. Honda-sensei had said the operation would probably take around three hours. He wonders if it’s good or bad that it’s taking so long. Or maybe it’s neither, maybe it’s just a little trickier than the surgeon had expected, and so he’s just having to go slower. Maybe it’s as simple as the surgeon having started later than he’d hoped to.

Don’t let it be something bad, Haru prays.

Finally, just over six hours since Makoto was brought into the OR, a nurse comes to speak to them. “Makoto-kun’s operation has finished, and he’s in recovery now. It’s gone well – we’ll just be keeping an eye on him until he’s fully conscious again. The doctor will come and go over the operation with you soon, so please wait here. We’ll let you know as soon as you can go see him.”

More waiting. The grip on Haru’s shoulder tightens briefly.

It’s another half hour or so before the doctor comes to speak to them. Makoto’s father assures him that Haru’s allowed to hear what he has to say. Haru hadn’t been there for the surgery the last time, but he doubts he would have understood much at that age anyway. This time, he gets what the doctor’s talking about, but even though it’s good news, he still feels sick as he listens.

The surgery has gone more or less to plan, and the majority of the tumour has been excised. There’s a small portion left behind – negligible, they’re assured, and the radiation therapy should take care of it. It had taken a while as the tumour was nearer to the blood vessels than they had anticipated, and so they had to be very slow and careful while working.

Makoto will be on medications to prevent any seizures and reduce swelling, as well as to manage the pain. They’re advised not to be too worried about confusion, dizziness, disorientation, or personality changes. _Personality changes?_ These may be caused by the swelling after operation, but will typically resolve as he heals.

The last time, Haru hadn’t gotten very many texts or calls from Makoto immediately following the operation. Makoto’s parents had said that he was spending most of his time sleeping and recovering, but Haru thinks now that perhaps they’d also been shielding him. He’s grateful in retrospect, but nervous as to what the next few weeks will be like.

“How long can I stay?” he asks, once the doctor’s left and they’re back to waiting to be allowed to see Makoto. His voice is thin and entirely unlike him.

“Ayako spoke to your parents,” Makoto’s father says. “They’re happy for you to stay the week. After that… we’ll see.”

Haru bites his lip. He gets it. He does, but. “Makoto always looks after me,” he whispers. When they’d been kids, and Makoto had suggested joining the swim club because he’d seen that Haru’s love of water needed direction. When Haru had quit swimming altogether, had even restricted his baths, had been so lost. When Haru had finally stepped into the ocean again for the first time after that match against Rin, and started crying. “I just want…”

Makoto’s father hugs him. “We’ll see,” he repeats.

Makoto is still a little loopy from the drugs when they finally get to see him. His head’s bandaged, and there’s an IV in his hand, and leads snaking out from under the thin blanket he’s covered with.

“Haruka,” he slurs, when he sees them. “Dad.”

Again with the full name. Haru makes Makoto’s father take the single seat available, and stands beside him. He’s too nervous to take Makoto’s hand – what if he dislodges the IV somehow – so he carefully puts a hand on Makoto’s knee instead.

“How are you feeling, Makoto?” Makoto’s father’s voice is gentle and soft.

“Sleepy,” Makoto decides. “Thirsty.”

The nurse that showed them in hands over a cup of ice chips. “He can’t have water yet, but he can suck on these. One at a time. They may still upset his stomach, so if he needs to throw up, there’s a bag here.”

Makoto’s father talks to him about inconsequential things. Haru stands there quietly, rubbing Makoto’s knee through the blanket. He doesn’t think he can talk, so when Makoto’s father gives him a sidelong glance, he looks away. Fortunately, it’s not held against him.

Makoto’s completely random responses to his father would have been amusing in any other situation. Haru stores the memories away to tease him with later, once he’s able to find them funny.

He keeps his hand on Makoto’s knee, and thinks of what’s to come.

* * *

_2010-2011_

For someone who’s so popular, Makoto doesn’t actually have any friends he wants to tell the truth to. The principal knows, and they tell Makoto’s form teacher, and those two are asked to keep it strictly to themselves. All the other teachers are only told that Makoto has to go to Tokyo for a family emergency.

It’s the only request Makoto has made, so his parents are determined to see it done for him. He doesn’t want anyone to know, and he doesn’t want any fuss when he leaves. He writes a note for his form teacher to read to the class: _Hello, everyone. I’m going to Tokyo with my father so we can help my uncle with some things. I’m sorry I had to leave without saying anything. I’ll hopefully be back in a few months, so this is “see you later,” not “goodbye.”_

Haru is late to school thrice in the first week. He spends most of the weekend curled up in bed, thinking. The following week, he manages to get to school on time consistently.

It’s a little annoying, but he manages. The empty space beside him is even more annoying, but he manages. He does.

He doesn’t wallow in misery, as the Tachibanas seem to half-expect him to. This is in part due to Makkou needing a run every day. He can’t hide at home when he needs to bring the dog out, and he can’t hide from his memories when just calling the dog’s name makes him think of Makoto. He’s forced, therefore, to confront his memories and fears head-on.

Makoto texts him often, and calls each evening before the operation. Haru doesn’t quite _live_ for those calls and texts, but he certainly looks forward to them much more than he’d thought he would. After the operation, the calls and texts both stop. Makoto needs to sleep a lot these days, Makoto’s mother tells him. The medicine makes him very tired, so even when he’s awake he doesn’t have the energy to do much.

After he learns that, he starts sending texts to Makoto. He hadn’t before, because that’s not what they do. Makoto sends him stuff and he replies, that’s how it’s always been. But if Makoto can’t right now, then the least Haru can do is reach out to Makoto the way Makoto always reaches out to him.

It starts with hello and good night messages. Then he starts texting a little during the day – school’s boring; I played with Ran and Ren yesterday; I burned my mackerel because I got distracted by Makkou. Then he starts sending photos as well. The stairs that connect their houses. The stray calico cat that Makoto likes to play with. The twins, tussling over who gets the remote control. Makoto’s mother cooking. The front of the school, students milling around before the start of the school day. Makoto’s mother, trapped on the living room floor by dint of the twins who’ve fallen asleep on her in the middle of a game. The two stray cats that found their way into Haru’s backyard and fell asleep wrapped around each other.

Three weeks into it, he finally gets a text from Makoto. _I want a photo of Haru too,_ it reads.

He has to re-take the photo eight times before he finally gets a clear shot.

 _Are you at the beach?_ Makoto asks him.

_Just passing by on my way home._

_It’s weird, but I almost miss walking there._

Haru loves the beach, but whenever they go there, there will forever be a part of him that keeps a wary eye on Makoto. He thinks of telling Makoto that. I feel scared when I see the way you look at the ocean. I don’t want you to feel like that. _Don’t you like Tokyo?_ he asks instead, sitting on the sand and drawing his knees up to his chest. He watches the waves roll in, remembers them licking at Makoto’s feet, that night.

I thought of going to a place where Haru isn’t, Makoto had said, back then. Haru clutches his phone. That’s what Tokyo is, isn’t it. His chest hurts.

_I haven’t seen much of it, haha. My uncle’s apartment is nice?_

Haru’s hands shake as he types. _It’s no good here without you._

Makoto’s response takes a long time to come, and when it does, it breaks the dam. Haru puts his head down on his knees and cries.

_I miss you too, Haruka._

* * *

Makoto’s mother lets him skip school for a couple of days after that. It’s been just over a month without Makoto, and Haru’s already tired. When he goes back to school, he keeps his head down and avoids everyone as best he can. It’s easy enough. The swim club has long since given up on him, and though some of them still say hi when they see him, they never push for any more. A couple of people had tried asking him about Makoto in the first week or two, but his flat glare has apparently scared them off. Even Yazaki Aki has long since given up on him, which given her tenacity is really saying something.

He continues to text and call Makoto. He’s equally as likely as Makoto is to initiate these conversations now. He likes the idea of it. Maybe he needs to reach out more to Makoto, instead of just waiting.

Whenever Makoto offers Haru a hand, Haru always accepts it. Whenever Haru reaches out now, Makoto always responds. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Makoto won’t let him down. Makoto won’t break him.

During the winter holidays, Haru goes to Tokyo with the Tachibanas. It’s been three months and Makoto is still easily tired. He’s happy to see them all, though. His mother hugs him for ages and ages, and Haru suddenly feels sad for her. She must have wanted to be here all along, too. But they hadn’t wanted to uproot the twins as well, and so one of them had had to stay and look after them. Ran and Ren still go through phases of only wanting their mother, so she’d been the obvious choice to stay, especially since Makoto’s father works at a bank that had allowed him to temporarily transfer to their Tokyo branch. It must have been hard for her to watch Makoto leave.

It’s cramped in the apartment, with all of them. Makoto’s uncle is pretty nice, though, and happily shares it with them. He sleeps on the couch and gives Makoto’s parents his bed; there are two single beds in the guest room, one of which goes to Ran and Ren, and the other of which Haru and Makoto squash up together on. It would probably make more sense for Makoto and Haru to each share with one of the twins, but Haru’s selfish and he doesn’t speak up to change the arrangements.

Makoto’s mother tells his uncle that he should get at least one guest futon. He laughs it off. He’s a very cheerful person, and he seems incredibly settled in his own skin. Haru watches him, and wonders what Makoto will be like once he finds that same comfort in himself.

There’s an ugly scar where the doctors had cut into Makoto’s scalp. They hadn’t shaved much hair off, Makoto tells him one night, when the twins are safely asleep. They’d cut in through Makoto’s neck and so he’s only lost a bit of hair from the base of his skull. The scar tissue pulls a bit, sometimes, but it isn’t painful any more. He’s just started putting a scar-reducing cream on, to help it heal. 

Makoto’s afraid that the hair won’t grow back. It had started to, after the operation, but a couple of weeks into the radiation therapy, it had fallen back out again. At least it’s not like with chemotherapy, Makoto says, only the hair in that area will be affected. The doctor said that sometimes the hair will grow back differently in that area, like a different colour, or texture, wouldn’t that be funny if it happened, Haru?

Haru’s not certain how funny it will be. He presses closer and listens to Makoto ramble on in a stuttering whisper, until he falls asleep. When he’s certain that Makoto’s completely asleep, he reaches up. He doesn’t dare touch the back of Makoto’s head, so he puts his hand on Makoto’s cheek instead. After a moment, he snatches his hand away and curls into a ball, willing sleep to take him.

His cheeks burn, and his body feels hot.

* * *

They all go out for dinner on New Year’s Eve. Makoto’s uncle has booked a table at a fancy restaurant, and he foots the entire bill. Haru hadn’t realised that being a hairstylist was so lucrative.

“It’sss not al-alwaysss,” Makoto tells him later, when Haru brings it up. “But Uncle d-d-does some celebrity ssstuffff, and-and he works at a high-end sa-sa-salon when he’sss not doing that. Ssso he’s on the top-top end of the ssscale when it comes to p-p-pay.”

That makes sense. Haru stares up at the sky. He can’t see any stars – no, wait, there’s one. And… two.

Everyone else is back at the apartment, and the twins have probably long since gone to sleep. But it’s a good day for Makoto today, and the Tachibanas are willing to indulge him, so they allow the two of them out on the condition that they stay nearby. There’s a tiny park nearby – really, just a playground and a few bushes, but that’s what passes for a park in Tokyo, apparently – and Makoto’s gotten approval to bring Haru there.

Haru tips his head back and pushes off on his swing. The sky rolls around alarmingly, and he straightens up on the pass back, digging his heels into the ground to stop. Makoto laughs.

“I c-can’t wait t-t-till I can do that again,” he says, wistfully.

“Do you still get dizzy?” Haru asks.

“No,” Makoto says. “But it’s sssstill a bit t-t-t-tender up there. S-so-so-so.” He stops, looking frustrated, then takes a deep breath. “I’m not s-s-supposed to do anything too ja-ja-jarring. I ca-can’t even run. I’m getting hhhorribly out of shape.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Haru says. “When you’re feeling better, you can start again.”

Makoto makes a sound of agreement. “Haru,” he says, but doesn’t say anything else.

“What is it?” Haru asks, eventually.

“Ah, n-n-never mind,” Makoto says, and gives Haru a shy smile. “J-Just – I’m glad you’re hhhere.”

* * *

They visit Meiji Shrine for the New Year’s prayers. It’s incredibly crowded; there are so many people coming and going that Haru feels overwhelmed. It’s almost impossible to do anything but go with the crowd as it undulates forward. But just as it’s about to be too much, Makoto bumps his shoulder against Haru’s, then points up when Haru glances over. The trees are tall and quiet, standing staid guard over the crowd. As the wind rustles through their leaves, and Makoto’s presence stays next to him, Haru feels peace slowly descend on him.

In the midst of an anonymous crowd, he claps his hands and prays for Makoto’s health and a prosperous new year. With the Tachibanas, he moves off to where the ema are on sale, and they each get one. He writes: _Let Makoto live a long and healthy life. Let him be happy always._ He refuses to let anyone see it, and distracts Makoto by asking about the omamori. That leads to everyone heading off to buy omamori – Haru and Makoto each get one for their studies, and Haru buys Makoto one for his health as well. His parents probably would have gotten it for him anyway, but Haru wants to be the one to buy it.

There’s so little he can do, as it is.

They get their omikuji as well – Makoto gets a great blessing, which is good, and Haru gets just a blessing. At least it’s not a curse, like Ren gets and promptly starts crying about. They tie it off on the grounds and take their leave.

It’s been a year since he last swam. How much longer can he keep on like this? The future drags out in front of Haru, and he can’t see what his path should be. He needs to figure it out, he knows that much. Even Makoto will probably lose patience with him soon. In the face of Makoto’s own trials, Haru’s fears seem so insignificant.

“Haru,” Makoto murmurs. The two of them are at the back of the pack, as they walk back to the train station. They’ve been taking the train everywhere since they’re too large a group to fit into Makoto’s uncle’s car. It’s not Haru’s fault, this time. Even without him, there would be too many for the car. But it’s different with the swim club. There, one person – Haru – had had too much of an impact. It’s better without him. Except how can he still think like that, when Makoto’s walking beside him with metal plates in his head? He’s pathetic.

“Haru,” Makoto repeats. Haru glances at him.

“Who’s the-the one who told me to-to-to let other people hhhelp?” Makoto asks.

It takes a moment for Haru to figure it out, and when he does, he can’t stop the blush for anything. He wants to look away from Makoto’s knowing eyes, but he can’t do that either. Makoto just smiles at him and discreetly tangles his hand into the hem of Haru’s shirt.

“Ifff there’s anything, I h-hope you’ll lettt me help,” Makoto tells him, quietly. “It’sss not a com-competition for who’s worse offff.”

“I want to try and figure it out first,” Haru says. He wishes that Makoto would just take his hand instead, but he knows that Makoto will never do that, especially in public. “I’ll tell you if I can’t. I’ll probably be slow, though. Sorry.”

Makoto nods. “I f-f-figured.” 

Haru keeps moving forward, acutely aware of Makoto’s presence at his side.

* * *

Makkou is most delighted to see Haru again. The neighbour who’d taken it in tells him that while it had moped around for a day or so after Haru had left, it had bounced back quickly. Haru thanks her and hands over the souvenirs he’d bought from Tokyo. It’s just a mix of biscuits and cake, but she seems happy enough with it.

He brings Makkou out for a run. The dog seems to enjoy stretching its legs as much as Haru does.

Haru wonders how long he’s been running away, instead of towards something.

He can’t lie to himself any more. He’s always been running away. From being thought of as special, from being looked at differently. He really can’t criticise Makoto, can he, not when he has the same fears. He doesn’t want to stand out, not because he’s scared of attention itself like Makoto is, but because he’s scared of the demands that attention places on him. He’s running from the impact his swimming has on others. He’s running from the memory of Asahi, of Ikuya, of Yazaki Shouta, of Rin’s tear-streaked face. He’s running from the fear that his presence, his swimming, can never be anything but destructive.

Haru pants harshly as he slows to a stop. He doubles over and tries to breathe through the sharp pain in his chest. Makkou whines.

But he’s decided, hasn’t he? He can’t run away forever. He’s still scared, but if Makoto’s with him, he should be able to manage somehow. Baby steps, he thinks, just take it slowly. Makoto will never push him away. He’ll always have a harbour to return to.

Haru starts walking slowly, trying to ignore the stitch in his side. When they get to the stairs, Makkou automatically tries to go right, where they usually go to run alongside the road. Instead, Haru tugs it to the left, and leads it towards the beach.

Baby steps.

Makkou barks madly at the water and runs around in circles when Haru lets it off the leash. It nips at the waves as they come in, then flops in the sand and flails in apparent ecstasy.

Haru toes off his shoes and tucks his socks into them. He rolls up his trousers and picks up his shoes as he steps forward.

He manages to get to the point where there’s water around his ankles, and then he freezes up. This is stupid. He’s so stupid. He’s not afraid of water, so why is he like this? He knows what fear of water looks like, and it’s not what he has. He wouldn’t mind jumping in and striking out – well, not right that moment, because the water’s absolutely freezing and his toes are possibly going to fall off soon. But the point is that he has no fear of the water. His fear is of swimming. It’s of letting himself go too much, to the point where he starts swimming again and then ends up hurting someone else. He can’t –

He kicks at the water and turns on his heel. Makkou comes promptly when he calls, and he puts its leash back on.

He runs home barefoot, and doesn’t register the pain in his soles at all.

* * *

Lying in bed, he thinks of Nao-senpai.

It hadn’t been nearly as scary, visiting Nao-senpai in the hospital. Why is that? Because his eye injury hadn’t seemed nearly as severe? Because Haru was less invested in him? He admired senpai, he could admit that to himself. And yet.

It’s easy to run away, Nao-senpai had said. All you have to do is turn your back and throw away everything. It ends with that.

Haru bites his lip and rolls over to bury his face in his pillow. Nao-senpai’s voice echoes in his head, still clear even after a year.

_But try accepting it just a little._

* * *

Makoto comes back in the middle of March. There’s one week of school left, but he’s not going to attend. He’ll start again after the holidays, in time for their third year. A fresh start.

The scar has faded incredibly over the past couple of months. It’s just a puckered line now, going up the back of Makoto’s neck and curving around the base of his skull. His hair even hides most of it, now that it’s growing back out. Makoto’s uncle has apparently gone for a “hiding in plain sight” technique, trimming off the back and sides to even it out in line with the fresh growth. Only a small portion of the scar on his neck is still visible, and it doesn’t stand out much.

Haru has never before noticed how long Makoto’s neck is. Makoto’s lost a lot of his muscle definition, so it’s also a slender neck. If Makoto was a girl, his nape would be called attractive. Since Makoto’s most certainly not a girl, Haru keeps the thought to himself: Makoto’s incredibly beautiful.

He’ll be even more so when he puts some weight back on. Haru remembers when Makoto had been in the swim club – at the peak of his fitness, he’d had muscle cording up his back, shoulders, and neck. His… what’s the muscle called? Haru looks it up and finds that it’s called the trapezius. Maybe it’s because Makoto had mostly worked on his backstroke. He had a very strong back.

Haru wants to bring back that strength. Makoto still can’t eat full meals with the family, but they space it out, and Haru starts to carry snacks on him, so he always has something if Makoto starts feeling peckish. They go out for slow jogs together, and visit the small gym in town to carefully pump weights, staying well within the limits Makoto’s doctor has prescribed.

By the time their third year begins, Makoto is looking much more like his old self. He’s not healed, though. He’s still slow to process things, and he still occasionally struggles with speech. His stutter is better, but still appears when Makoto’s nervous or self-conscious. People notice, of course, but Makoto uses the same excuse he’d used with the twins: it’s the result of a head injury, but it will go away soon. It’s almost the truth, if you don’t know everything that’s being left out.

English becomes a special kind of hell for Makoto, since he’s already bad at the subject. Their teacher is merciless at first, until a classmate speaks up to mention Makoto’s “injury” that’s causing the stutter. Thereafter, their teacher eases up a little on Makoto. All the same, Haru can see Makoto wilting more and more each day under the pressures of school. He buckles after a couple of weeks and goes to Makoto’s parents, who promptly take Makoto out of school for a week to recover.

Makoto’s incredibly reluctant to have anyone else find out about what he’s gone through. His parents are insistent though, and so their English teacher – since that’s the subject he struggles most with – becomes the third staff member in school to know the truth.

Their teacher changes tactics immediately. He doesn’t call on Makoto in class any longer, and meets him in private twice a week after school to go through the reading passages. Makoto’s stutter doesn’t quite smooth out, but it does improve a little under their teacher’s gentle coaching.

Haru’s so grateful, he doubles the amount of effort he puts into English classes. He’s still more or less terrible at it, but his grades do take a jump up, from abysmal to merely bad.

Haru rather guiltily shelves the thought of moving forward. It’s enough to stay by Makoto’s side as he recovers. He doesn’t need to think about it now, not until Makoto’s better. It’s not running away, he tells himself firmly, and ignores the bitter flavour of the lie.

In June, their comfortable world gets shaken up when a girl confesses to Makoto. She’s in the same year as them, though a different class. I like you very much, she tells Makoto, as Haru listens from around the corner. I’ve seen you helping out at the library and you’re always so gentle and caring. Could you accept my feelings?

Don’t, Haru thinks.

“I’m s-sorry,” Makoto tells her. There’s a pause. “I’m sure you’ll find s-someone who returns your feelings.” He’s enunciating each word carefully, making an effort not to stutter.

She bows to him and runs off, crestfallen. When she’s out of sight, Makoto slams a fist into the wall.

Haru drops his bag and darts forward, catching Makoto’s arm as he winds up for another swing. “Stop it!” he cries, throwing his weight back to stop the punch.

Makoto staggers, and tries to pull away. Haru moves forward with the motion, wrapping his arms around Makoto and dragging him down to the ground, before throwing himself into Makoto’s lap to stop him from going anywhere.

“Makoto,” Haru breathes. He’s shaking, or Makoto is, or both of them are. “Makoto.”

“I h-h-hate this,” Makoto says, voice trembling. “I’mmm b-bro-bro-broken anddd uselessss.”

“Don’t say that!” Haru’s voice isn’t any steadier than Makoto’s. “You’re not! You’re amazing, Makoto, you’re strong, and you’re brave, and –” His voice cracks, and he stops, appalled at himself. You’re my strength, and I lean on you always, he’d been about to say, but how can he make this about himself when it’s Makoto he needs to be concerned with?

“You’re worth so much love,” Haru says. His voice drops, and he’s speaking practically into Makoto’s hair. “You deserve everything good in the world.”

Makoto shakes his head, just barely, then hides his face in Haru’s shoulder and cries.

* * *

Makoto refuses to take another break from school. He goes back the next day, plasters on his hand where he’d scraped it on the wall. Haru had caught him in time to prevent any significant injury.

Physical injury, anyway. Haru downright coddles Makoto for the next few days, until Makoto finally tells him it’s okay, he can stop worrying.

Haru just gives him a flat look, and Makoto starts to laugh.

“I’ll b- _be_ okay,” he corrects himself. “I’m not right now. But I will b-be. Haru w-will always be with me, rrright?”

Haru deposits some mackerel into Makoto’s bento box in response. Makoto giggles, but he eats it all.

* * *

_2014-2015_

The day after Makoto’s surgery, Haru sends a text to Nagisa. _We’re skipping school this week. Can you come over this Sunday? Tell Rei, Gou, and Rin too, you all need to be there. My place at nine._ He ignores all subsequent texts from Nagisa.

Makoto is so completely out of it after the surgery, it’s kind of incredible to watch. He spends a lot of time sleeping. When he’s awake, he’s not exactly coherent. Haru finds himself repeating things a lot. Makoto forgets things that they talked about not ten minutes before.

He’s allowed to go back home two days after the surgery, during the course of which the nurses teach Haru what to expect. Makoto’s father and uncle already know all this, but they sit in on the lessons to refresh their memories anyway. They’re taught how to wash and dry the area around the surgical wound, what to expect as Makoto heals, and what warning signs to look out for.

Makoto’s uncle has plenty of spare linen, which is good because Makoto’s pillowcase needs to be washed every day. They put a few plastic bags by his bed for Makoto to vomit into if he needs to. Makoto needs help going to the toilet, and cleaning himself afterwards, which Haru hadn’t thought of before but insists on handling anyway. He’s only here for two more days, so Makoto’s father can wait his turn if he’s that eager. Haru also takes over cooking, since Makoto’s uncle has a tendency to rely on takeout and convenience shop bentos. Since Makoto has trouble chewing, Haru cooks with an eye to softer foods that are easy for him to handle.

Makoto’s uncle gets Haru to teach him how to make a few simple dishes, so that he can continue to prepare them for Makoto once Haru’s returned. Haru decides that he quite likes this man.

On Saturday morning, Haru packs up everything he’d brought with him, so that he’ll have the rest of the day to spend with Makoto without interruption. After dinner, he spends a couple of hours cuddling with Makoto before kissing him goodbye and tucking him into bed. He catches a few hours of sleep on the sofa. At around midnight, Makoto’s uncle drives him to the bus terminal, from which he’ll be taking a night bus. He’s already feeling homesick when he boards.

The trip back to Iwatobi is just as convoluted as the one to Tokyo. The first bus arrives at Nagoya earlier than scheduled, which doesn’t help since the next bus won’t start running for a while yet. He half-dozes as he waits, and wakes with a crick in his neck. When the buses finally start running, he’s at the front of the queue, and gets a comfortable seat. Naturally, he can’t sleep for any amount of trying, and stares miserably out the window for the duration of the journey.

There’s a bad accident on the roads, which leads to a massive jam, which leads to Haru being a few hours behind schedule by the time he arrives at Nagoya. The two subsequent train rides go smoothly, thankfully, but by the time he arrives at Iwatobi station, he’s incredibly cranky and tired. At least the ekiben he’d had for breakfast was good.

The others are all sitting around at the top of the stairs when he arrives at the shrine. “The person who invites everyone shouldn’t be the one who’s late!” Rin scolds, as soon as they spot him walking up.

“What happened to you?” Haru asks in response. There are long scratches up Rin’s arm and across his cheek.

“The stray cats here are vicious!” Rin proclaims indignantly.

Nagisa laughs. “Rin-chan tried to pet a cat and it scratched him and ran off,” he says, gleefully.

“Vicious,” Rin insists.

“Which one was it?” Haru asks. There’s not a single cat around here that’s likely to scratch people. He’s seen one of them put up with being poked in the eye by an overenthusiastic toddler, and just get up and walk away instead of retaliating.

“How should I know?” Rin demands.

“Pure white, with green eyes,” Rei says.

“It was really cute!” Gou adds.

“… Koyuki?” Haru asks, and the cat in question promptly bounds out of the bushes, mewling for attention. He bends and tickles it under the chin. Its eyes close in pleasure and it purrs, pressing its head into Haru’s hand. “Really? Rin, do you have anti-cat pheromones?”

“No!” Rin protests, outraged. Nagisa cackles and Gou joins in. Rei looks like he’s trying not to laugh.

Haru feels a sudden rush of affection for them. He scoops Koyuki up and heads for his door, unlocking it and stepping inside.

“Sorry for intruding!” Nagisa carols as he bounces in. The others are a little quieter as they follow. Haru drops his bag at the foot of the stairs – he’ll bring it up to his room and unpack later. The cat gets placed on the side porch, where it promptly lies down in a spot of sunlight. Curious. It usually prefers to investigate the garden.

“Anyone want tea?” Haru asks, as he heads for the kitchen. The others make themselves comfortable around the table and offer up requests. It only takes a few minutes for Haru to put the tea together; he pours out the juice that Gou and Nagisa request, and puts some biscuits on a plate for everyone before bringing it all out on a tray.

“So, why did you want us here?” Rin asks bluntly, as he takes a biscuit.

“Haru-chan sounded a bit strange,” Nagisa says, playing with his cup. “And it’s weird that Mako-chan didn’t reply to me at all. Is everyone okay?”

“Oh – isn’t Makoto-senpai here?” Rei asks, startled. “I thought we were waiting for him too…”

Haru takes a deep breath as he sits down. “Makoto asked me to fill you guys in on something. That’s why I asked you all to come over.” He fidgets. “He doesn’t want anyone else to know, though, so you have to keep it to yourselves, okay? Don’t talk about it with anyone else. If you’re talking out in public, make sure no one can hear you.” He glances at Rin. “Sorry, Rin – Makoto considered telling Sousuke as well, so you’d have someone to talk to at school if you needed, but he wasn’t really comfortable with it in the end.” Haru sighs and scrubs a hand through his hair. “Well. But you all only need to keep it secret until Makoto comes back, it’s not like he can hide it this time.”

“Haru-chan, what’s wrong?” Nagisa asks, worriedly. He’s dropped the comic act entirely; he’s always been incredibly perceptive.

Haru licks his lips. “Makoto has cancer.”

There’s silence around the table. Then Gou breaks it with a sound of distress.

“Is – is he going to be all right?” Rei asks anxiously.

Haru shrugs. “Okay, um. I don’t know how –” He takes a deep breath, and thinks back to what he’d tried to plan out. “Okay. Chronological. Back when Makoto was around 14, he had – well, never mind the lead-up. The end result was that he went for an MRI scan, and they found there was a tumour in his brain.”

“Brain?” Rin echoes, faintly.

“He went to Tokyo for treatment,” Haru continues. He can’t look anyone in the eye – he can’t look at them at all, for fear of what he’ll see on their faces. “Six months. I mean, the treatment was over in a little over a month. Surgery and radiotherapy. The rest of the time was to recover. He didn’t want anyone to know, so he only came back after he was able to get around on his own, and the scar had healed and all that.”

He takes a moment to pull himself together. “Anyway, the treatment went well. He’s been getting check-ups regularly, it’s all been clear until now.”

“That’s what he went to Tokyo for, last weekend,” Nagisa says. He sounds incredibly subdued. Haru still can’t look at them.

“Yeah. Turns out it’s back.” Haru considers taking a sip of tea, but the thought makes his stomach roil. “He had surgery on Tuesday to remove the tumour. Now we’re waiting for the biopsy and lumbar puncture results. It’s in the same place as before, so it’s pretty likely it’s the same kind of cancer as before.”

“What –” Rin stops as his voice cracks. He clears his throat and goes on. “What kind is it?”

“It’s called a medulloblastoma,” Haru tells him tiredly. “Malignant tumour of the cerebellum. It’s, I mean, there’s no good kind of cancer to have, but this is kind of a bad one. As cancers go.”

There’s another long silence.

“I-is Makoto-senpai coming back?” Gou asks timidly.

Haru bites his lip. “He said he wants to graduate from Iwatobi High,” he tells them. “So he’ll have to. But if he does, it will have to be soon, so he won’t be able to hide the… effects.”

“Well, we’ll just have to be here for him when he gets back,” Nagisa says firmly.

Haru studies the table. “I don’t know if I’ll be staying here for the next couple of months,” he admits. “I’ve asked my parents if I can take a leave of absence as well, so I can go to Tokyo to help. They’re still thinking about it, but since they haven’t already said no…”

“Will you be able to keep up with schoolwork all right?” Rei asks.

“I’ll have to,” Haru says. “Otherwise, they’ll probably make me go back. I’ll make it work.” He will. This time, he’s staying with Makoto, whatever it takes.

Rin exhales a long, slow breath, murmurs something in English that sounds halfway between a prayer and a curse, then switches back to Japanese. “I don’t know what I expected when Nagisa said we had to come over, but…”

Haru hadn’t ever expected this of a headache, either. Koyuki pads over to him and puts its head on his knee, blinking up at him with big, green eyes. He scratches the cat behind the ear briefly, then switches to stroking it down the back. It’s soothing. He thinks briefly of Makkou. Three years gone, now, after that car accident. The driver had been incredibly apologetic, but it hadn’t brought Makkou back. Haru had decided never to get another pet, after that – and yet, somehow, he’d wound up informally adopting half the stray cats in the area.

All Makoto’s fault, of course. They got lured in by his gentle hands and then Makoto would give Haru a pleading look, and before Haru knew it, he was feeding a whole army of cats in his backyard.

“Haru-chan, you have to keep us posted, okay?” Nagisa says. Haru looks up before he can stop himself. Nagisa’s leaning over the table, his eyes sombre and pleading. “We’ll be waiting to hear about Mako-chan – we’ll be sending him good energy, and prayers, and everything we can, so you have to tell us how it’s going.”

Good energy and prayers sound about right. His eyes feel hot, so he ducks his head and makes a sound of acknowledgement.

* * *

Makoto’s father calls home and they learn that the results have come back. It’s the same as before, except worse, because this time they’ve found cancer cells in the spinal fluid. The terminology goes rather over Haru’s head, but he gets the gist of it: it’s just started metastasising into the spine, which isn’t good, but they’ve caught it early, which is. They’re starting radiotherapy in a couple of days, and they’ll begin chemotherapy in a few weeks.

The doctor has given them some statistics that Haru can’t think too hard about. He just can’t, or he’ll freeze completely.

For now, he takes things one day at a time.

* * *

He goes back to Tokyo two weeks later.

His father’s in the middle of a business deal of some sort, so he can’t take time off. His mother does, though, coming back to Iwatobi to sit him down and have a serious discussion. Is he sure about this? It’s going to be difficult. It’s not like his family won’t take care of him. It’s not like you need to be there.

“I want to,” he tells her, and recklessly adds, “I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him.”

She smiles at him when he says that. “We all knew that,” she tells him, and his face must do something funny because she laughs. “Your dad and I talked it over with Makoto’s parents a while ago,” she says. “I won’t say we’re not worried. It’s not easy, you know? There are a lot of people who will look down on you because of your relationship. There are just as many who would be happy to hurt you. We had some reservations at first, just because none of us want that for you. But Haruka, it’s obvious you and Makoto love each other, and we don’t want to get in the way of that either.”

Haru ducks his head in embarrassment.

“I hope it works out for the two of you,” she says. “Hm… marrying your childhood sweetheart. It’s a nice love story, isn’t it?”

More than what she’s saying, what goes unsaid is also important. She likes giving him hints and making him work things out himself; she’ll always help him along if he’s uncertain, but she thinks it’s important he works at it. This one takes a moment to figure out, but when he gets it, Haru silently resolves to take her advice. Being with Makoto is easy, but that also means that they’re reluctant to push each other when necessary. Makoto hadn’t known how to talk to him about going to university in Tokyo; Haru had fled to another country rather than face him after that disastrous fight. If they’re going to make this work, they can’t let things fester like that anymore. A lifelong friendship is a good foundation to start with, but they’ll still have to put effort into their relationship.

He’ll learn. He’ll make it work.

The next week, they – Makoto’s mother, Haru’s mother, and Haru – have a meeting with the principal and Amakata-sensei. The latter two are filled in on what’s going on, and Haru’s mother gives her permission for Haru to take a leave of absence. The principal registers his understanding of the situation, but questions whether it’s a good idea for Haru to miss months of schooling.

“I’ll scan in the daily worksheets and teach him online if I have to,” Amakata-sensei says in response. “Nanase-kun is a diligent student, so I’m sure he’ll be able to keep up.”

“Thank you, sensei,” he tells her afterwards. “I promise I’ll work hard.”

“I know you will,” she replies with a smile. “Take care of Tachibana-kun for us.”

He wonders, afterwards, about the lack of a pithy quote that makes no sense whatsoever. Then he smiles and gets on with packing. He needs one bag for all his school things, since he’s bringing all his textbooks with him, and they take up a fair amount of space. Clothes and other essentials go into another bag. Neither is too huge, so he should be able to handle them fine on the trip.

His mother travels with him on the first leg of the journey, until they reach Shin-Osaka. There, they go their separate ways. She’ll be returning to her husband’s side in downtown Osaka. Haru continues on towards Tokyo.

Makoto is much more lucid than he had been when Haru had last seen him. He’s aware enough to greet Haru with a kiss; not aware enough to realise that his uncle was still in the room. Haru thoroughly ignores the chortle and subsequent teasing.

Makoto’s still on medication, to reduce the swelling, promote healing, and relieve any pain he might be feeling. He takes them dutifully whenever he’s due, and Haru has never before been so thankful that Makoto has learned not to suffer in silence. Now, he tells them if he’s in pain, and they give him painkillers as recommended by his doctors. The stitches have already come out, and the skin looks miles better.

The duty of care gets split between Haru and Makoto’s father. Haru would like to do it all on his own, but he won’t deny Makoto’s father the chance to care for his son, either. Makoto’s uncle is out at work most days, so he’s not as involved, though he does lend a hand when he gets home.

They fall into a routine fairly quickly. Makoto’s uncle and father are sharing the master bedroom; Haru and Makoto are in the guest bedroom, on separate beds while Makoto’s wound continues to heal. Haru gets up at six every morning and makes breakfast for Makoto’s uncle, then takes a shower and dresses for the day. By the time he’s out, Makoto’s uncle is done with breakfast and ready to leave, and Makoto’s father has gotten up as well. Haru heats up breakfast for himself and Makoto’s father, after which he settles in to do some studying.

In the meantime, Makoto’s father checks in on Makoto, who usually wakes up properly somewhere around nine or so. Makoto’s needs are taken care of by his father in the mornings, as Haru continues with the worksheets that Amakata-sensei has emailed to him the night before. Makoto’s still in no shape to start on them, so Haru studies alone in the living room. Makoto’s father keeps him supplied with drinks, which is unexpected at first, but also quite nice.

Around eleven, Haru takes a break from studying to start on lunch. It’s usually something simple, so that he doesn’t have to spend too long in the kitchen. He ensures it’s balanced, though. Gou’s voice rings in his head whenever he contemplates just having mackerel and rice. Besides, Makoto needs proper nutrition now more than ever, and Haru refuses to cut corners with that.

Makoto’s usually most awake in the early afternoon, so they all eat together, then spend an hour or so relaxing. Haru’s taken to reading to Makoto during this time – sometimes schoolwork, but more often whatever fiction has taken their fancy. Makoto usually nods off by about three, so Haru tucks him into bed and takes over the afternoon shift. This time, he works by Makoto’s side, while Makoto’s father works from home, using the living room to make calls and so on. Makoto’s father is technically on paid leave, but he has a good relationship with his subordinates and helps out whenever he can. Haru’s work is sporadically interrupted when Makoto wakes up, or needs to be helped to do something. He helps Makoto take a shower in the evening, which is no longer as embarrassing as it had been at the start.

On days that Makoto has chemotherapy, they go to the hospital together, and Haru brings some work to keep himself occupied when Makoto inevitably falls asleep during the session. He completes his schoolwork in bits and pieces this way – he struggles sometimes, but Amakata-sensei makes good on her promise to help him with anything he has problems with, so it eventually works out. 

Dinner is whatever Makoto’s uncle brings home, and the latter usually takes over for an hour or so while Makoto’s father wraps up work, and Haru sends off the day’s work to Amakata-sensei. After that, Haru gets ushered out with an order to get some fresh air, to which he protests that Makoto’s father doesn’t seem to need any. Said protests are thoroughly ignored, so Haru spends the evenings exploring the surrounding area. On a couple of weekends, he even takes trips out to Shinjuku, and Shibuya, and wherever else takes his fancy.

He saves the visit to Ni-chome for when Makoto’s well enough to accompany him, and also when they’re both legally able to enjoy the place.

The trips go a long way in ridding him of his irrational grudge against Tokyo. Despite the lack of easy access to the ocean, it’s a nice place, he admits to himself. He can see himself living here with Makoto. He doesn’t think he’d want to spend the rest of his life here – he’d want to retire to Iwatobi at the very least – but he could spend a good few years here.

It depends on what Makoto wants, of course, but at least the next few years won’t be painful. That’s when he realises that he’s made up his mind after all, and he smiles at the thought.

On the first day of November, he writes an email to Takahashi Kenichi. He doesn’t tell anyone about it.

On the fourth day of November, he asks Makoto: “Are you set on one university, or are you trying for a few?”

Makoto considers that, then shrugs. “The la-latter. I d-don’t care where I go.”

“As long as you get to do what you want?” Haru asks. Makoto nods. “Where are you applying to?”

Quite a few places, as it turns out, but Nippon Sport Science University, Kokushikan University, and Nihon University are at the top of the list. The last is a bit of a long shot – Makoto thinks his grades are just borderline, so he’s not sure how well he’ll do on the entrance exam.

“Have you thought of what will happen if you can’t graduate this year?” Haru asks.

“Offf course,” Makoto huffs. “B-but I haven’t decided.”

“If you’ll stay in Iwatobi, or transfer here?”

Makoto makes an affirmative sound.

“I’m going to go to Waseda,” Haru says.

Makoto drops the stress ball he’s practising with.

“Sports Sciences,” Haru elaborates. “I accepted the scout’s offer. They’ll waive the entrance exams, so I just have to do well on the final exams this year. He replied today morning. I’ll be getting the official letter soon.”

It takes a few moments for it to sink in. Then Makoto rewards Haru with a brilliantly dazzling smile.

* * *

When Makoto’s hair starts falling out in clumps, he gets his uncle to shave it all off. “It’s better than waiting,” he says, but it doesn’t make it any less weird to look at Makoto and not see messy brown hair. He takes to wearing warm hats, because even indoors, he says his head feels cold.

Each time, the effects of the chemotherapy take longer to recover from, until Makoto ends up spending most of the time feeling nauseated. The doctor prescribes more medication to soothe his stomach, but he still ends up eating less and less each week. Despite Haru’s best efforts to find food that will go down easy, Makoto starts losing weight. By the end of November, he’s plummeted to 60kg, which for his current height of 185cm makes him uncomfortably underweight.

Makoto tries, but the chemotherapy just causes too many side effects for him to deal with – the dry, sore mouth, the nausea and vomiting, the diarrhoea. It all adds up to weight loss. His doctor suggests protein shakes, which at least give him the energy he needs, and stay down a little better than proper food does. He stops losing weight after that, though he still doesn’t gain back the weight he sorely needs.

It will get better once he finishes his chemotherapy, the doctor says.

Midway through November, Haru switches to sharing the bed with Makoto at night. The surgical wound has healed fine, and Makoto needs the comfort more than he needs the space. Haru regularly wakes up thereafter with a human-shaped octopus wrapped around him, and learns the fine art of disentangling himself without waking his husband-to-be. He hopes that it’s an art he’ll have to practise for many more years to come.

The radiotherapy finishes, and the chemotherapy continues for another two cycles, and near the end of December, they are finally released from the hospital for the last time. Blood is drawn, another MRI and lumbar puncture are done, and Makoto is cleared to go home and wait for the results.

Ran and Ren cry rather a lot when they see Makoto for the first time. He’s actually looking better than he had a week ago, so it’s probably for the best that they’d waited a while to return, after the last round of chemo. Haru distracts them while Makoto gets settled – his mother tucks a blanket around him and mutters something about getting out the knitting needles again, and seeing if she remembers anything of it. If she doesn’t, Haru is fairly certain she will have re-learned it in short order, to bury Makoto under hand-made hats and gloves. This is something Haru quite approves of, so he pretends not to understand the pleading look Makoto gives him.

The twins learn quickly that their brother doesn’t have quite the same energy or strength that he used to, and that they have to temper their enthusiasm around him. Haru thinks of when Makoto had used to walk around with both twins clinging to his back; how he had barely looked as if he’d noticed the weight. Now, he can’t carry either of them for more than a minute without getting tired. It’s not just the general fatigue he suffers from, either. He’s lost so much muscle mass, the entire shape of his body has changed.

If he thinks too hard on the things that Makoto has lost, Haru feels like he’s drowning. So he focuses instead of the things that are coming back to Makoto. Oddly, his speech issues have resolved much quicker this time than they had previously. He’s got a sporadic stutter, and he sometimes has trouble finding the word he wants. He’s got a list of exercises from his speech therapist to help him with that, and he’ll be reporting his progress to her every fortnight.

Makoto is also slowly regaining his ability to focus, and has begun the arduous process of catching up with his schoolwork. By the end of December, though, it’s apparent that they’ll have to make different arrangements.

“The centre exams are in two weeks,” Makoto says sadly. “There’s no-no way I’ll be ready by then.”

“Have you thought of what you want to do instead?” his mother asks.

He shrugs disconsolately. Haru squeezes his hand.

“As far as options go…” Makoto father ponders the question. “Well, you could repeat your last year here at Iwatobi. The next choice is to transfer to a school in Tokyo to repeat your third year – it will be closer to the specialists, if need be. Or we’ll talk to the principal about you graduating from Iwatobi in March anyway, and then you take a year to study privately, then take the exams the year after. I think those are the three best options. You could also study hard now and aim to take the centre exams in March, but it’s a lot of work for a very small chance…”

“I thought of something like the th-third,” Makoto admits. “I want to graduate in March. And cram school af-afterwards, to prepare. But will they let-let me graduate?”

“We’ll talk to the school,” Makoto’s father says.

They visit the shrine on the second of January. Haru claps his hands and prays for Makoto’s health, and a long life together, and a prosperous new year. It feels greedy to be asking for so much, but he does it anyway.

Makoto and Haru both get a normal blessing. He’ll take it. Ren gets a great curse – it’s starting to turn into a running joke. It can’t be normal to get some variant of a curse every single year, can it? He shrugs, ties it off, and goes haring off with Ran in search of candy apples. Apparently, constantly getting curses is one way to find equanimity regarding your future fortunes.

Climbing up to the lookout point is probably difficult for Makoto, but he makes it with only a couple of stops along the way. He’s wearing a cheerful smile when he reaches the top.

“Ah, I s-s-sort of wish there were fffireworks,” he murmurs. There had been, on New Year’s Eve, but they hadn’t made it out then. “I w-want a redo.”

“Don’t need one,” Haru says. He tucks his arm around Makoto’s waist, as they lean against the railing. “It’s fine. If you didn’t yell, I probably would still be stuck.”

“I wi-wish I found a way.” Makoto pauses, and Haru looks up to see him mouthing to himself. The aphasia is always worse when he’s tired. “Without yelling,” he finishes after a few moments.

Haru considers that. “It kind of sucked,” he admits. “But I think it was important for us.”

Makoto gives him a quizzical look.

“It’s a good thing we realised we need to work on that now,” Haru says. “Instead of finding out after we got married.”

Makoto blushes lightly and leans into Haru’s hold. “When is that going to be?”

“Let’s go shopping for rings together,” Haru says. “I think we can say the engagement’s already settled, so shall we go straight for wedding rings?”

Makoto giggles. “Okay. Wait, is-is it safe for you to wear in the p-pool?”

“I think platinum should be okay,” Haru says uncertainly. “If not, I’ll just take it off when I’m swimming. I’ll be careful.”

Makoto makes a sound of assent. “Ah. B-but I don’t th-think I have enough s-saved.”

“I have the money my grandmother left me,” Haru says. His parents are covering the entirety of his tuition and living expenses, so he needn’t worry about that. “And maybe I can pick up a part-time job?” It would replenish his nest egg, after buying two rings.

“You’ll be busy t-training,” Makoto says.

“We’ll buy the rings with my inheritance,” Haru decides. “We’ll figure out the rest later.”

“Not too expensive,” Makoto says.

“Platinum won’t be cheap,” Haru points out. “But we can get a simple design. That should bring the cost down. Is there a jewellery shop in town?”

Makoto presses a hand against his mouth. If he thinks that hides the smile, he’s mistaken. “Im-impatient,” he murmurs. He ducks down to press a quick kiss to Haru’s brow. “There is, but it’s small.”

“Let’s go look soon,” Haru says, and Makoto laughs out loud.

* * *

_2011_

By the middle of the year, it’s impossible to tell that Makoto has ever had brain cancer.

His stutter has vanished completely, and even in English, he only stumbles because of lack of knowledge or fluency, not brain damage. His grades have picked back up again from the start of the year, when he’d struggled with having missed months of school. Even with the last few months in Tokyo having been spent with a private tutor, it had been difficult for Makoto to get back into the swing of things. But now he’s back to performing at his usual standards, and he doesn’t get easily fatigued any longer, and everything’s just generally great.

Haru continues to run alongside the road with Makkou. Sometimes, he wonders why he bothers. It’s not as if he’s swimming now, and so he surely doesn’t need to train. Even if he ran just for the sake of health, he wouldn’t need to push himself as hard as he always did back when he’d been training seriously. He continues all the same.

Makoto takes to joining them on these runs. It hadn’t been planned. Few things they do ever are, come to think of it. But Makoto had seen him jog by one day, and the next day he’d asked if Haru was still running after all, and would Haru mind if Makoto joined him, and Haru had told him when he usually went out, and warned him he wouldn’t wait if Makoto was late, and then all of a sudden it was a ritual between them. On the days Makoto missed out – well, Haru was certainly never going to tell him, but Haru lingered near the steps to Makoto’s house sometimes, and he always felt reluctant when he finally set off.

But even if Haru misses the company, he’s still happy about the reason Makoto isn’t always there. It’s occasionally because he has errands to run, but mostly it’s because Makoto’s other friends have asked him out. At the beginning of the school year, Makoto had withdrawn from them quite a bit, as he’d been incredibly self-conscious about his stutter. But now he’s opening back up to them, and they’ve welcomed him right back as if he hadn’t spent months blowing off their invites. It’s good for him, and Haru delights in the enthusiasm sparking in Makoto’s eyes once more.

But as Makoto steps forward with confidence, Haru feels his own stride faltering. He no longer needs to focus on Makoto in the same way, and with that being taken away, he realises he’s been using it as an excuse. Running away again, and this time he can’t deny it. He thinks it over one day as he leads Makkou on a loose leash, tries to break it down into simple components that he can do something about.

He has always felt water to be a source of comfort and healing.  
He went to the Iwatobi Swim Club because of Makoto, but he stayed there because he loved the feeling of getting stronger in the water; of being better able to accept its embrace.  
He joined the school swim club in first year because he wondered if it could teach him more about being in the water.  
It did.  
It also taught him that his swimming was too strong for some.  
His swimming overwhelmed those that shared the pool with him.  
(Not all of them. But enough.)  
Makoto, and Nagisa, (and Rin), had enjoyed swimming with him. They had seen his swimming as a source of shared strength.  
His swimming had broken Ikuya at one point.  
But not irreparably. They had swum a relay together. Ikuya – had Ikuya found strength, in that relay? Ikuya had said that he was able to change because of Haru.  
His swimming had broken Yazaki-senpai at one point.  
But Yazaki-senpai had found in himself a burning determination, never to give up again.  
His swimming had broken Rin.  
He doesn’t know what Rin is doing now, so he doesn’t know if the problem he caused has been fixed.

Ah.

So that’s the issue. Ikuya and Yazaki-senpai had found themselves again, but their new drive doesn’t make Haru feel any better because it was his fault in the first place. It doesn’t matter that they had recovered when they would never have been wounded if not for Haru’s swimming.

That’s the source of his discomfort now. How many more people will he inadvertently hurt, simply by swimming naturally? He doesn’t set out to do so, and yet he does. It’s like he’s an illness, and they might have recovered, but they would probably have been better off if he’d never been near them to start with.

It makes sense now. Haru slows, then stops, leaning against a lamp-post as he mulls that over. Makkou sits down a few feet away, tongue lolling out in boredom.

Before this, he’d been too afraid to think about it – all he’s known is that his swimming is hurtful, and therefore he mustn’t do it anymore. But now…

Ikuya and Yazaki-senpai had recovered. He’s not a – a cancer, just a virus. Does that matter? Does it give him permission to infect people anyway? Can it ever be a good thing? He almost laughs at the thought. Is he inoculating them?

He’s scared to find out. If he doesn’t move, then no one else will get hurt. It’s safer to stay right where he is.

A cat yowls from across the street, and Makkou leaps up enthusiastically. The leash rips out of Haru’s slack grip, and he can’t get it back in time before Makkou’s taken off. Car tires squeal, and there is a dull, wet sort of thud.

Haru’s mind goes blank.

* * *

Haru buries Makkou in his backyard, with only Makoto in attendance.

Makoto digs the hole for him while he waits, cradling Makkou’s wrapped body. When it’s deep enough, he places the body into the hole, takes the shovel from Makoto, and starts filling it up again. Once he’s covered enough, he retrieves the dwarf Japanese maple he’d bought the day before, and carefully places it into the hole.

Maples had always been his grandmother’s favourite. To me, she had told him once, they represent grace and acceptance. Think of when the leaves turn red. They symbolise transition, but more than that, a graceful acceptance of that change. We would do well to emulate the maple in our lives.

He finishes patting the soil down, and takes a moment to press his dirty hands together. He prays for Makkou to have found a peaceful return to nature.

“Haru,” Makoto says softly.

“I want to go to the beach,” Haru says.

Makoto makes a funny sort of noise.

Haru looks at his hands. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to come with me.”

“… Do you want me to?” Makoto asks.

After a moment, Haru nods.

“You should wash your hands before we go,” Makoto says, and Haru has to close his eyes for a moment.

Haru washes up and puts his jammers on under his clothes, and they take a slow walk down to the beach. Haru keeps a portion of his attention on Makoto’s reaction, ready to tell him to leave if necessary. The rest of his mind is focused on what he needs to do. When they arrive, they find a quiet spot for Makoto to wait. Haru toes off his shoes, then strips off his clothes and hands them to Makoto.

“H-Haru,” Makoto stammers. Nervousness, nothing else, Haru tells himself, as his heart does something funny in his chest.

“Yeah?”

“Could you, um, could you.” Makoto flounders.

“I’ll stay in sight as much as possible,” Haru says. “I won’t dive. Yell if you can’t see me, and I’ll come back. I promise.”

Makoto breathes out a relieved sigh. For a brief, incredible moment, Haru wants to draw him close and drink him in. Instead, he turns and runs towards the water.

A few steps into the water, he slows, and walks the rest of the way in. When it gets halfway up his chest, he takes the plunge and kicks off.

Nothing’s changed. The fear seizes him and he stalls, treading water as he tries to regain his bearings. The ocean laps around him, calling him forward, but his insecurities keep him frozen in place.

“Haru!”

He turns wildly, and strikes out for shore. “I can’t,” he gasps, as soon as his feet are gripping sand again. He stumbles forward and falls gracelessly onto his hands and knees. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Makoto insists, and kneels down to put a hand on Haru’s shoulder. “Haru, listen to me.”

Haru can’t. He’s shaking, and he feels like he can’t breathe. Makoto says something, but it’s like there’s water in his ears. He grabs desperately for Makoto’s hand and focuses the entirety of his attention there. Big and warm and strong and gentle. Makoto’s there. Haru turns off the rest of his mind and drifts.

“Haru-chan,” Makoto murmurs.

“Drop the –chan,” Haru says. It’s automatic, but the words come out slowly. He feels tired.

“Yeah, sorry.” He’s not. Makoto’s hand twitches slightly, pressing into Haru’s shoulder muscle just enough to get his attention. Haru looks up at last, and is relieved to find no condemnation or pity on Makoto’s face. Just worry. That’s all right. It comes with love.

“I have a suggestion,” Makoto says.

Haru makes a quizzical sound.

“Don’t swim.”

Haru considers that, then gives Makoto a disbelieving look.

“Well, if you get to a point where you feel you can, go ahead,” Makoto amends. “But for now, why don’t you just try feeling the water?” A ghost of a smile. “Just float for a while.”

His hand is still on Haru’s shoulder. Oh, that’s right. Haru’s still holding on to him. It takes a few moments to convince his fingers to uncurl. Makoto strokes down Haru’s arm as he pulls back, his touch lingering as a phantom burn on Haru’s skin. Makoto straightens, and holds out a hand with a smile. That smile, Haru thinks distantly, as Makoto pulls him up, is dangerous. It could make him do anything.

The touch of water rolling against his feet makes him look down. Makoto’s standing there in the surf with him. Their bare feet are inches apart. Something breaks, and his cheeks are suddenly hot and wet, and then finally, finally, he gets what he hadn’t realised he’d needed.

He cries, and Makoto holds him throughout.

Afterwards, he takes Makoto’s advice. Makoto retreats further back up the shore, and Haru feels a swell of gratitude for this amazing person, who would ignore his own fear in order to help Haru. He’ll never take it for granted, he swears to himself, as he lazily floats on his back.

Is this sky what Makoto sees? He wonders if Makoto would have permanently specialised in backstroke, if he hadn’t quit. He’d certainly taken to the stroke much more than anything else he’d done, back in the Iwatobi Swim Club. He’d been good at the breaststroke and he’d tried freestyle for a while, before stopping. That’s Haru’s stroke, he’d said with a laugh. But he’d moved well when he’d swum free.

Of course, he’d swum best of all with backstroke. His movements became less frenzied. Less afraid. Perhaps it’s because the world looks so different, from this angle. They’ve never really talked about it, but Haru thinks that might be the case.

The water curls around him, testing him. Violence lingers around its edges, as always. For now, it acknowledges his presence and accepts him into its hold.

Haru blinks. Violence… the thought slips away. There’s something there. What…

He can’t figure it out, so he cuts through the water lazily. Dolphin kick. Oh, they’d practised that a lot. Hm. Does he remember how to swim the biaxial – yes. Like that. It’s awkward, but his muscles are slowly remembering what to do.

Later, Makoto tells him that he’d been swimming for almost an hour before clambering out of the ocean. Haru doesn’t remember it being that long.

“Did you have fun?” Makoto asks him, as he towels off roughly.

“Yes,” he says immediately. He has. He drops the towel and reaches for the clothes Makoto holds out to him, catching Makoto’s eye as he does so. The look of joy in those green eyes is just too much, and he can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him.

* * *

He swims regularly thereafter. It isn’t all smooth going. Sometimes, he’s still nervous about stepping into the water; other times, he can’t swim but simply floats instead. Floating becomes something special to him. He’d never really noticed it before, but the water holds him differently when he’s floating. It’s like the violence stays at bay. It’s there, of course, it’s always there. But it keeps a distance from him when he’s on his back, cradled in water.

It’s peaceful.

Swimming means cleaving through the water, and through your movements, proving to the water that you understood it. It’s a test, of sorts, even if Haru had never noticed it until now. Oh, he’s always known that the water has fangs. But that it’s a constant test, no; he hadn’t realised, because being in the water has always been so easy for him. But the water tries you every time you step into it. It doesn’t matter how seasoned a swimmer you are. It will test you every time, and you will have to prove yourself every time.

It’s not like Haru minds. There’s something very satisfying about being accepted by the water, again and again and again. But there’s a different sort of satisfaction to be found in floating. When he floats, the water… waits. Not calmly. He’s swimming in the ocean, after all, and he always feels the waves moving against him. But it’s not a test. It’s co-existence. It’s so incredibly simple, he can’t believe it’s taken him this long to notice.

He floats and swims in equal measure, and finds his equilibrium in the water once more.

Makoto mentions the swim club, but it’s far too late to join again – if they’d even take him back after he’d left so abruptly. And if Haru’s honest about it, and he’s trying to be, he’s not ready to swim competitively again. It will take quite a bit more soul-searching before he’s ready for that. He thinks that maybe he needs to see Rin again, needs to see that Rin has healed like Ikuya and Yazaki-senpai had.

Because Rin had seen strength in Haru’s swimming, at the start, and if even he could later be broken by it…

Haru needs to know that Rin has surpassed that. He thinks that he would probably be okay with joining a club after that. Maybe he could learn more about moving through the water then. He could learn about challenging the water, just to make sure he’s still strong in it, and then he could turn on his back and let it gentle its hold on him.

That would be nice.

* * *

When winter arrives and the ocean grows too cold to swim in, Haru discovers a slight problem. He’s held back for so long that he seems to have lost all restraint when it comes to water. He doesn’t even realise what he’s doing, most of the time, until he’s already in the fountain, or a tank, or Makoto’s arms with a voice in his ear begging him to stop stripping. He takes to wearing jammers underneath his clothes, for those times Makoto isn’t there.

On the up-side, Makoto’s reflexes are getting incredibly sharp.

* * *

They graduate from middle school without too much fanfare. Makoto is accosted by no fewer than seventeen girls asking for his second button. Haru had snipped it off that morning before they ever arrived at school, so that Makoto doesn’t have to feel bad about picking someone – “Especially since there’s no way I’ll like any of them like that, Haru! So you should just keep it for me,” Makoto had said.

It’s just practical, that’s all.

In the end, Makoto is stripped of all his remaining buttons, nametags, cuff links, and school pins, and is forced to sign his name in notebooks for the remaining girls who come up after that. He fairly runs out of school the moment he can, before anyone can ask for more. Haru follows, a little slower, but incredibly amused. It’s as bad as Valentine’s Day had been. Maybe it’s because White Day’s just around the corner. 

“Stop laughing at me,” Makoto says with a pout, once they’re a safe distance away from the school.

“I’m not laughing,” Haru says. He’s sure his face is completely neutral.

“You are!” Makoto cries, and gives Haru the most distraught face he can muster. “It was scary!”

Haru puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. The button bumps against his fingers, and he rolls it around gently. “You poor thing,” he says without inflection.

“Now Haru’s making fun of me,” Makoto says sadly.

Haru knocks his elbow against Makoto’s. “Just a little,” he says agreeably. “I’ll buy you some ice-cream.”

Makoto tries to get the soda-flavoured ice pop they usually share, but Haru over-rides him and insists on something fancier. In the end, they get a cone from an ice-cream stall instead of the convenience shop. Even then, Makoto tries to stop with just one scoop of chocolate ice-cream, so Haru barges his way into the order and adds another scoop, plus chocolate syrup, plus crushed peanuts and chocolate sprinkles on top, then pays for it all before Makoto can finish protesting.

“I don’t mind,” Haru tells him. “It’s a special treat.”

Makoto blushes and licks at the ice-cream to avoid answering. Haru glances away and wills down his own blush through sheer force of will. He should have known Makoto would see through him.

They take the path that runs alongside the ocean, Haru automatically placing himself on the side closest to the water. He keeps a careful eye on Makoto while they’re within sight of the ocean. It’s nice to see that there isn’t any discomfort on his face any more, but Haru is positive that that would change if they were any nearer. Makoto might seem unbothered, but he’s also very carefully not looking over at the sea.

When they turn the corner and leave the waves behind them, Makoto turns towards Haru. “Do, um, do you want a bite?” he asks, offering the cone. They both slow, then stop, leaning towards each other. Haru takes Makoto’s hand to hold it in place, and takes a bite of chocolate ice-cream.

“Oh,” he mumbles, and swallows his mouthful. “Even better than I thought.”

Makoto smiles. There’s a tinge of pink around his cheeks. “It really is good.” He laughs a little. “Sorry I ate most of the toppings already.”

Haru shakes his head. “It’s fine.” He realises they’re standing in the middle of the pavement, and leans forward for another bite before starting to walk again. He licks his lips when he’s done with that mouthful, and Makoto finally looks away and starts to nibble on the edge of his cone.

“Mum’s teaching Ren how to make chocolate,” Makoto tells him. “Apparently all the girls made chocolate for all the boys in their class, and now all the boys are expected to return them on White Day.”

“Isn’t buying it easier?” Haru asks. And more typical. But then, that’s not a word he really associates with Makoto’s mother. She might seem the average housewife on the surface, but she’s really, really not.

“She thought this would be more fun,” Makoto says, and giggles. “They’re making cookies and dipping them in chocolate. It’s pretty good, I taste-tested the first batch for them.”

“Out of the goodness of your heart,” Haru says.

“I’m a good brother and son,” Makoto says piously.

Haru reaches up and pulls Makoto’s hand – and cone – over, taking a bite in retaliation. “I’m a good family friend,” he says, after swallowing. “I’ll double-check if you like.”

Makoto laughs. “I’ll bring some over after we finish wrapping it all up,” he says.

In the end, he brings the chocolate-dipped cookies over on White Day itself. Makoto watches nervously as Haru takes the first bite.

“Ren passes,” Haru says blandly, and reaches for another cookie. Makoto’s entire body relaxes. 

They really are good. They’re just simple round sugar cookies, but they’re not as sweet as Haru had feared. Half of each cookie has been dipped into dark chocolate, lending it a little flair. The bitter bite of the chocolate is exactly to his taste. He is also absolutely certain that Ren had not chosen to make this bittersweet cookie for the girls in his class. At the least, Ren’s batches would have been sweeter, and probably made with milk or white chocolate.

Haru takes another cookie and determinedly packs the rest away before he eats it all in one go. Makoto’s all smiles, and Haru doesn’t see any harm in indulging him, so they watch Makoto’s choice of movies for the rest of the afternoon.

During dinner preparations, Makoto proves that he isn’t to be trusted anywhere near the stove, and Haru casts a suspicious glance at the cookies. Surely he hadn’t been mistaken. Makoto nearly catches the pan on fire, and Haru rescues the food before imperiously ordering him to sit.

“Baking’s easier,” Makoto mumbles, and obediently takes a seat at the table.

Haru turns back to the stove, so that Makoto doesn’t see the smile on his face.

* * *

Iwatobi High School doesn’t have a swimming club.

Haru isn’t quite sure how he feels about this. On the one hand, he doesn’t think he’s ready yet for training in swimming. Maybe in a few months. But on the other hand, this means no swim training for the next three years, and he doesn’t like the thought of that either.

He still struggles with the fear of what his swimming might do; he still worries about Rin, and constantly hopes that the latter has found healing. But he also rather wants to swim a relay again, and he can probably only do that in a club. Iwatobi Swim Club has long since closed, there’s no other private swim club anywhere near, and now the high school doesn’t have a swimming club. He’s really not sure how he feels about having the option taken away from him before he can even consider it.

“We could try setting up a swim club ourselves,” Makoto says tentatively. Haru thinks of Nao-senpai’s calm guidance, of Kirishima Natsuya’s presence.

“That’s useless,” he snaps, a little harsher than he’d intended to. Makoto looks hurt, and Haru immediately feels bad, but he can’t find any words of apology in him at that moment. After a brief pause, Makoto nods.

“I suppose it wouldn’t be helpful without seniors to guide us,” he says.

Don’t just accept it, Haru thinks. He looks down.

“Hm, I wonder if I should join a club,” Makoto wonders. He’s been cleared for sports again, so it would be okay if he did. Haru just hopes it’s not –

“Maybe basketball?” Makoto says.

Haru doesn’t think it suits Makoto at all. He bites back his immediate response. “Shouldn’t you try something new?” he asks instead.

Makoto laughs. “Mm, maybe. Or maybe I’ll just stick with the going-home club.”

“I’m sorry,” Haru blurts out. Too late, but Makoto is forgiving. And true to form, green eyes soften.

“You’re forgiven,” he says, and gives Haru a sweet smile.

* * *

They both end up in the going-home club after all. Haru swims as much as he can while it’s warm. Makoto doesn’t accompany him, but sometimes, after a swim, Haru finds Makoto waiting for him on the road leading to their houses.

They spend a lot of time playing games, and sleeping over at each other’s places, and doing homework, and agonising over English tests together. Haru likes it. It isn’t anything out of the ordinary, not really, but the start of high school feels like the start of something new. Like they’ve finally left behind the spectre of the tumour, and they’ve gained a new-found appreciation for each other. Haru hadn’t thought it possible – he’s always been grateful to have Makoto beside him – but now he’s even more keenly aware of how fragile, and how precious, the gift of Makoto’s presence is.

He doesn’t know how to properly express that to Makoto, and it doesn’t help that Makoto already knows how he feels anyway. It feels like a cop-out for him not to say it properly. All the same, he genuinely doesn’t know how to put into words what Makoto is to him, and so he resorts to trying to demonstrate instead.

Makoto always puts Haru first, without fail, and after Haru comes his family and then his friends, and then probably perfect strangers, and right at the bottom of the list is Makoto himself. It makes it hard doing anything for Makoto, since Makoto will always reject his own comfort until everyone else is comfortable. Then Haru hits on a blindingly simple truth.

Makoto takes care of Haru in so very many ways, not because Haru particularly needs it, but because he likes to. Those six months without Makoto were proof that Haru didn’t _need_ Makoto to function, after all. But Makoto will still share his food with Haru, will carry tissues around whenever Haru gets a cold, will give Haru space to be in the water, will generally always look out for Haru’s well-being.

So the best thing Haru can do for Makoto is to give back. If Makoto’s giving too much of himself away to Haru, then Haru can share parts of himself with Makoto, and that way they’ll each have a whole being. Haru won’t stop Makoto from taking care of him, but he’ll just have to make sure he returns the favour in some way.

That’s where he runs into a snag – how can he do that? Not by taking care of Makoto in the same way; that really won’t work with Haru’s personality. And he already does look out for Makoto in the important things. He has to figure out some way in which he can show his appreciation for Makoto.

In the absence of any good ideas, he starts small.

First are the snacks they usually buy and share on the way home from school. Haru takes to paying for them; Makoto keeps the protests up for almost two weeks before subsiding. Thereafter, he just gives Haru an amused smile whenever Haru takes the snacks up to the cashier. Makoto only has to pay on a couple of occasions, when Haru doesn’t have quite enough to cover things.

Then it progresses to the gifts. It starts with an orca sticker that Makoto had promptly put on the cover of his notebook, and continues with a braided leather bracelet Haru had gotten (“It was on sale, Makoto, stop worrying.”), until one day Haru realises he’s painstakingly sewing a dolphin phone strap from scratch.

Possibly he’s gotten a little invested in the beautiful smiles Makoto gives him whenever Haru presents him with another little trinket.

Makoto adores the phone strap, as it turns out, and if his smile transfixes Haru long after he turns away… well, no one else is around to notice.

He still can’t figure out anything bigger to show Makoto what he’s realised, but he decides that that’s okay for now. Makoto does little things for him all the time too, so he’ll keep doing little things for Makoto, and maybe someday he’ll do a big thing. He’ll wait for the right opportunity to present itself.

* * *

In their second year of high school, Nagisa re-enters their life in a whirlwind of energy. Haru knows what’s coming before they bring the idea to him, and so he has a little time to think it over.

It won’t be the same. He won’t have seniors here whom he’ll grow to respect; he won’t have guidance the way he had in middle school. But even if – he nearly laughs at the thought – even if they start small, it might become something bigger. It’s too similar to how he feels for Makoto, and that’s what tips the scales.

When they come to ask him, he agrees without hesitation. Makoto’s surprised, Haru can tell, but in a good way. Haru quite likes that look on his face.

He doesn’t, however, like the look of uncertainty and reticence on Makoto, as the issue of Rin comes up, and keeps coming up. It’s clear now that Rin hasn’t healed from that race, but Haru doesn’t know how to fix that. Racing him again at the Samezuka pool hadn’t helped, even though Rin had won. But Haru’s thought about it, and he thinks he might know why Rin hadn’t been happy then. If he’s right, then continuing to train is the right thing to do, and maybe he’ll one day be able to race Rin properly, and they’ll set this behind them.

In the meantime, Haru wonders how to tell Makoto any of this. Or if he should. He doesn’t want to burden Makoto with his fears, especially not when Makoto’s getting so worried over both Haru and Rin. He doesn’t like what this state of affairs is doing to Makoto, but he doesn’t think that telling him what happened would help.

Rin is Makoto’s friend. What if Makoto resents Haru for having hurt Rin? It’s a stupid thought. Haru knows that Makoto won’t hold it against him, but he’s still afraid.

Then they go on a training camp – at the _ocean_ – and the only thing Haru can focus on is Makoto. That bravery, that strength, is all he can think about for weeks after. The memory of Makoto’s lingering gaze is burned into him. Makoto has learned to lean on his friends for help, not just for the physical, but for everything. Surely Haru can learn the same lesson.

He will. He’s determined to. The race against Rin will be the start of it, he decides. He’ll swim his best, and whoever wins, he will try and help Rin along the path to healing, so that they can all swim together again.

A single sentence from Rin destroys those hopes.

Afterwards, he floats in the pool for what seems like forever. He can’t swim, but the water holds him gently nonetheless. He can’t make head or tails of what has just happened, and the destruction of his resolution is hard to cope with. He wants to swim with his team. He wants to see that sight again. He wants to feel the energy that can only come from sharing strength with others.

Rin wants none of that. Haru can’t wrap his head around it. Rin was the one who’d taught it to Haru in the first place, and now Rin’s rejecting it all? Of course, Rin’s not in his team, and so it’s not really relevant per se… but Rin’s still a friend, no matter his attitude now, and it hurts to see him like this.

He leaves the pool having found no answers, and returns home to all those answers asleep at his entryway.

* * *

Haru doesn’t know why he’d expected things to be easier after Rin had come back into the fold. Instead, there’s another question looming on the horizon, and it isn’t even one he’d seen coming, so he’s completely blindsided by it.

He’s thought about it before, of course. What he’ll do in the future, what his plans should be. But only in the abstract, and he’s never gotten anywhere beyond knowing he’ll still be with Makoto in the long term. It might have been easier if he’d been allowed to think about it on his own terms, in his own time.

But everyone keeps asking, and pushing, and Haru feels like a ragdoll being thrown about in a violent wind. Makoto’s question at the Obon festival is the absolute last straw.

He regrets it as soon as he says it, and he’s terrified to hear what Makoto might say in response, but he deserves whatever Makoto gives him, and so he pushes and –

His future needs to have Makoto in it. How can it not? How can Makoto be okay with that?

He runs, because that’s all he knows how to do.

* * *

He runs to Australia, in fact, because apparently he’s so much of a coward he has to escape to another continent altogether. It doesn’t help that Rin had apparently already known of Makoto’s future plans. So Haru’s not – he’s not important –

The hotel has wi-fi, so he logs on and texts his mother while Rin’s off meeting a friend. It takes a little while for her to reply, but then he confesses he’s in Australia, and a few seconds later, his phone is ringing.

Fortunately, she doesn’t spend too long scolding him about reckless behaviour. He does promise to check with Rin about where the second ticket had come from – Rin’s ticket had been a present from an Australian friend, he remembers, but had that friend sent one or two tickets? – and he’ll reimburse him if Rin had had to pay extra to help Haru out.

“So, have you figured anything out?” his mother asks.

“About my swimming – I think so,” he says. “I think I want to go pro after all. Is that okay?”

“If it’s what you want, of course it is,” she says. “University? Or private training?”

“If any scouts still want me I’ll think about university,” he says. “If not… I’ll have to think about it a bit more.”

“Let’s see what they say after the Nationals,” she says. “Oh, your dad and I will be there, by the way!”

Haru perks up. “Dad got time off after all?”

“It was a close fight with another colleague who wanted the same days off, apparently.” She laughs. “But your dad won since he hasn’t taken any time off in so long.”

“I’ll see you both there, then,” Haru says. It will be good to see his father again. They’ve not seen each other in person for almost two years now, though they’ve kept in contact through emails and calls.

“And? What’s the real reason you messaged me?” his mother asks.

“Um,” Haru says.

“Is it something to do with Makoto?”

Haru opens his mouth, and shuts it.

“Haru?” his mother asks softly, after a few moments. “Did you have a fight?”

He makes some sort of sound in his throat.

“First fight, huh,” she says sympathetically. “What was it about?”

“M-my future plans,” Haru says. “He said – I yelled at him that he couldn’t pressure me about what to do when he hadn’t even decided on his own plans but he’s decided he’s going to university in Tokyo, mama, h-he didn’t tell me anything about it at all and he’s leaving me.”

At some point, he’s started crying. He tries not to make it evident in his voice, but gives it up when his throat clogs up.

His mother makes soothing noises down the phone line at him, until he’s got a bit of a grip on himself. He wipes his eyes and blows his nose as she tells him to, feeling thoroughly ashamed at himself.

“Do you love your father and me?” his mother asks, when he’s calmer.

The question comes from out of the blue, and he answers instinctively. “Of course!”

“But you haven’t seen me in months, and you haven’t seen your father in over a year,” she says.

Haru sniffs a little and rubs at his eyes. “In other words, don’t be silly, just because he’s leaving doesn’t mean…”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” she says. “I’m blessed to have a son who’s so good at interpreting literature.”

“Makoto’s better,” Haru says.

She laughs. “Do you feel a little better now?”

He considers that. “I feel silly,” he admits.

“It’s pretty common, after a fight,” she tells him. “So, what are you going to do?”

“Apologise,” he says. Makoto will probably try to brush it off, as he always does, but Haru will make sure he apologises properly, even if it’s late. As usual. “It was my fault, so…”

“I’m also blessed to have a son who’s so brave,” she says, and her voice is serious.

“Muuum,” he whines in embarrassment.

“Make sure you figure out what you did wrong, and apologise for that specifically,” she says. “And Haru, the next step is to make sure you don’t do it again. So remember to work on that, okay?”

Oh, he will. And then he’ll make new mistakes, no doubt. But hopefully he’ll remember not to let it fester this time, and they’ll deal with it better.

“Okay,” he says, then sighs. “I wish Makoto had told me earlier.”

“Did he ever try?” his mother asks.

That brings him up short. “Oh. Maybe?”

She laughs. “Well, perhaps he should have tried harder. I don’t know, and neither do you. That’s for Makoto to think about. What you should be thinking about is if you gave him the opportunity.”

Haru can easily see Makoto faltering in his desire to tell Haru, just because Haru had been so determined not to talk about the future. “Ah.”

“Ah,” his mother says, teasingly. “Food for thought?”

“I hope I can sleep tonight,” Haru laments.

“Try,” his mother says. “I’ll let you go so you can think about it. Text me before boarding.”

“Okay.”

“Good night, Haru. I love you.”

“Love you too,” he says, and hangs up. The words come easy when he’s talking to his parents. They always end every conversation with them, just in case. When you’re apart, words become more important, after all.

If Makoto leaves him, if Haru can’t follow him after all, their relationship will have to change. Okay. Fine. If that happens, fine. He’ll learn to talk to Makoto properly, since Makoto won’t be there to read his eyes at a glance. But he won’t let it go altogether, and he’s fairly certain that Makoto won’t either.

He remembers thinking that he hadn’t been important enough for Makoto to tell his plans for the future to, and blushes at how wrong he’d gotten it. It isn’t that he’s not important enough; it’s that he’s too important. It’s the same reason he hadn’t been able to talk to Makoto about Rin last year.

And at that point, Haru had only ever gotten as far as imagining Makoto beside him, when he thought of the future. Had Makoto been the same? Had Haru’s refusal to discuss the future with him felt like a rejection?

He flips through the photos in his phone until he finds one of Makoto playing with Koyuki, and falls asleep looking at it.

* * *

_2015_

Their parents absolutely refuse to let them buy any rings that haven’t passed their quality test. This, Haru thinks, is what happens when your father is an antiques and jewellery appraiser.

“You boys should pick out what you want, but at least let me make sure it’s worth the price,” his father tells him over the phone, and then proceeds to give him a long list of points to consider when buying platinum. Haru hangs up with his head stuffed full of information about alloys and percentages and hand-engraved filigree.

He discusses it with Makoto, and they decide to wait until after graduation. They’ll go to Osaka to visit Haru’s parents, and they’ll see about getting their rings there, with Haru’s father along to advise them. When Haru calls and asks him if that’s okay, he’s thrilled to accept, so that should work out fine.

They can wait that long to get their rings.

They invite their friends over to Haru’s house on the Sunday before school starts. Gou cries when she sees Makoto. Rin outright bawls. Nagisa hugs him with unusual gentleness; Rei sort of wrings his hands helplessly until Haru pushes him forward and Makoto pulls him into the hug as well.

“I just hope I don’t need to go for more chemo,” Makoto sighs, as they sit around the table. “Radiotherapy actually wasn’t so bad, but the chemo, ugh.”

“Isn’t it over already?” Rin asks anxiously.

“We’re still waiting for the latest results,” Makoto explains. “It depends on what those say.”

There’s a gloomy silence. Makoto gives Haru a slightly desperate look. Haru raises an eyebrow. Makoto’s eyes widen; then he smiles and nods. Haru waits for the perfect moment, which comes just as Rin is drinking his tea.

“By the way, Makoto and I are getting married,” Haru says.

Rin ends up spitting out half his mouthful and inhaling the other half, and the rest of them are torn between exclaiming over Haru’s announcement, and checking on their hacking, wheezing friend.

“Haru,” Makoto says reprovingly.

Haru gives him his best innocent look, and Makoto giggles.

“ _What_ ,” Rin says, when he’s recovered at last.

“Well, we haven’t set a date or anything,” Haru says. “But probably soon. Sometime this year.”

“Because Haru’s impatient,” Makoto says lightly, but his eyes are anxiously studying each of their friends in turn.

He needn’t worry. Gou is the first to break the silence, and she does so with enthusiasm that squeaks up into incredibly high registers. Nagisa’s bursting with excitement, and Rei offers restrained congratulations. Haru can see his eyes flickering between them in pleased realisation, though, so he’s fairly certain the restraint isn’t a function of anything negative; he’s just trying to reorder his memories and see if he’d missed anything. Rin… well, Rin starts crying again, and pretends he isn’t even as he drags them all into a group hug.

After that, they stop quizzing Makoto about how he’s feeling, and more importantly, they stop looking at him like he’s going to keel over any second. Instead, the conversation turns to why Makoto and Haru hadn’t told them they were dating before (“We weren’t.”), which leads to the question of who on earth proposes out of the blue like that (“… Us, apparently.”), which leads to them both being declared completely hopeless (“What? Why?”) which leads to Gou throwing her hands up in the air and demanding to know their wedding plans.

They confess that they don’t have much of one yet, and spend the rest of the afternoon fending her and Nagisa off. It’s a pleasant day, and fortifies them for the start of their final term.

* * *

Haru had half-expected it to start as they walked to school, but they go unnoticed at the start of school. They skip morning assembly in favour of a meeting with Amakata-sensei, who doesn’t react at all to Makoto’s changed form. She goes over Makoto’s graduation requirements with him, and then they catch up with each other while assembly finishes.

The start of class is monstrously difficult, but Makoto smiles through the explanations, and Amakata-sensei shuts down any intrusive questions with a placid resolution that’s so unlike her, no one has the guts to press any further. Haru joins Makoto’s table to his, where it is to remain for the remainder of term, so that Makoto has help immediately at hand if he needs it.

Otherwise, classes proceed as normal. Recess is troublesome because people seem to think it’s fine to ask the stupidest questions of Makoto, and Makoto’s too polite to tell them to buzz off. Haru isn’t, and he steers Makoto away from the idiots and towards the roof where Nagisa and Rei are waiting.

Makoto’s friends eventually get used to it, and a few of them apologise for their initial reactions, so Haru feels better about Makoto going off with them sometimes. He feels even better when he catches some of them glaring at or scolding people who treat Makoto badly.

Fortunately, there aren’t very many of the latter. A few people will actually cross the corridor to avoid Makoto, as if cancer’s infectious. But by and large, the worst reaction they have, after the initial fuss, is when people just avoid looking at him altogether.

It doesn’t bother Makoto, as Haru had feared it might. At some point when he wasn’t looking, his fiancé had learned to ignore what other people thought, and instead walk through life with graceful acceptance and calm. When he realises this, Haru feels so incredibly proud he thinks he might burst with the emotion. He kisses Makoto with single-minded ardour that evening. Try as Makoto might, he can’t get the reason for the sudden enthusiasm out of Haru. He quite enjoys himself, anyway.

A week into school, they get the results they’ve been waiting for. Makoto’s clear for now, but he’ll have to go back in a month or so to get checked again. They can’t officially say there’s any remission until then, the doctor explains over the phone.

They’ll be going back to Tokyo right after graduation. In the meantime, there’s a list of symptoms to watch out for, in case the cancer does return. If there’s anything that worries them, they’re to come back straight away.

Makoto’s pensive and broody for a while after that. Haru tries to give him some space at first, but it quickly gets to him.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, as they get ready for bed. Makoto slowly buttons up his pyjama shirt, and Haru heads off the placating line before it can emerge. “If you don’t want to talk about it, okay, but don’t tell me you’re fine.”

Makoto crawls into bed and lays down with his head on Haru’s arm. “Haru, how did you get over your fear of swimming?” he asks.

The question rather blindsides Haru, but he takes a moment to think about it. “Badly?” he hazards. “I didn’t really want to think about it, so I just… I kept running away. Um.”

He ponders the question. Makoto lays quiescent, waiting.

“I guess I had to figure out the source,” Haru muses. “Do you remember, Makoto, back in middle school, in first year, you said that we were like water?”

Makoto makes a sound of affirmation.

“That was what gave me my answer in the end, even if it took me years to get there,” Haru says. “I always thought that my swimming only hurt people. But then I realised that it was just like the water. No matter what, there’s violence waiting somewhere on the edge. If you let your guard down, it will bare its fangs and attack. I think that’s what my swimming was like, for some people. For those who didn’t expect it. But they wouldn’t have expected the water to attack, either. The water might have killed them. With me, at least they were safe to make the choice of whether to continue or not.” He pauses and presses his lips together for a moment. “Anyway. I can’t protest being like the water. It’s not my fault, in the end.”

“… And Haru’s okay with it now,” Makoto says, cautiously, and Haru abruptly realises what’s driving this line of questioning.

“Yeah,” he says. “I promise. I’ve accepted everything that happened before. I chose pro swimming for myself, and I won’t regret it. If that ever changes, I’ll do something about it. I’ll make sure I’m happy in my career.”

Makoto lets out a tiny sigh. “Your swimming is also beautiful,” he says. “Even if some people are shocked by it, I think just as many will be stunned by its beauty. I think you’ll end up inspiring a lot of people when they see you.” 

That had been what had happened with Rei, hadn’t it? It might be nice if it kept happening. Haru likes the idea of motivating people to be with the water. Takahashi had been blunt about Haru’s prospects: Haru doesn’t have the height or build that’s typical of world-class swimmers, but he does have a good sense of balance and flexibility in the water, so he might be able to overcome those disadvantages. Haru intends to work hard at it, and to train seriously so that he can further improve his sense of the water. And… perhaps to inspire others, yes. Now that Makoto has put the idea in his head, it’s incredibly appealing.

“And?” he says. “If we’ve settled my future… are you worried about yours?”

Makoto shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “What if it comes back again? Honda-sensei said remission rates are low for this kind of cancer, when it recurs.”

In fact, it was _survival_ rates that he’d spoken of –

Haru pulls Makoto closer to him and presses his face against brown hair. “Are you scared of what will happen at the next check-up?”

Makoto nods. His hair tickles Haru’s cheeks.

Haru thinks of what he can say in response. Once he’s dismissed any easy platitudes, he’s left with useless honesty. “Me too,” he murmurs, rubbing a hand slowly across Makoto’s shoulders. He traces the edges of bone, feels out the muscle that’s sunk into hiding.

“But you’ll be with me, right?” Makoto asks, quietly.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Haru says.

Makoto presses a kiss to Haru’s collarbone. “We’ll have to postpone ring shopping.”

“Maybe I’ll ask my father to come up to Tokyo instead,” Haru grumbles. He really doesn’t like that it keeps getting pushed back.

Makoto giggles, and Haru musses up his hair in retaliation. “We’ll get them eventually,” Makoto says, peering up.

The future still looks as intimidating as always. He might know what he wants to do with his career, but there’s so much more he can’t predict. The only thing he knows for certain is that he will be getting that damn ring soon, and he’ll be wearing it for the rest of his life, no matter what.

“Yeah,” Haru says. His grip on Makoto tightens momentarily, and he keeps holding on.


End file.
